Are you one of the millions excluded from the "A list" for Monday's umpteen inaugural balls? You say you didn't even make the "Z list"?
Not to worry: You, too, can avoid the black-tie bother and participate in the process, at one of this weekend's several "counter-inaugural" events:
* Friday and Saturday, Garvin's presents an inaugural comedy special at Cafe Maxime (1825 I Street NW). Friday's line-up features Reagan impersonator Jim Morris plus Jay Keating, Scott Blakeman and Aaron Freedman at 9 and 11 p.m. Saturday's bill is the same, minus Keating, at 8:30 and 10:30 p.m. Admission $6. Call 955-6223.
* The Public Interest Follies will perform its satirical revue called "Counter Inaugural Ball II" Saturday and Monday at 7:30 p.m. at George Washington University's Marvin Center Theater (21st and H streets NW). The troupe promises a soap spoof called "All the President's Children," the debut of new video-music station RTV (Republican Television), the Bad Experimental Dance Theater's choreographed vision of "How a Bill Becomes a Law," and the 2000-Year-Old Liberal talking about what it was like when he was not so alone in his political convictions. Tickets are $7 advance, $8 the day of the show. Republican attire optional. Call 656- 9594.
* Rock Against Reagan presents its all-night counter- inaugural event Sunday at the Warner Theater. The lineup begins with a 6 p.m. screening of Lizzie Borden's feminist film "Born in Flames," followed by an 8 p.m. concert by Wayne Kramer of the MC5, rockabilly oufit Beat the Naked, reggae band Moja Nya, London's Poison Girls, and a few stand-up comics sprinkled in. Tickets are $10.25 (the quarter goes to the Warner restoration fund). Call 265-5233.
* On Monday, the Progressive Club hosts an alternative inaugural ball with political rocker/poet Gil Scott Heron at the Kilimanjaro (1724 California Street NW). Tickets are $5 at the door. Call 667- 2492.
* "The Other Inaugural -- Dare to Be Different" is presented by Americans for Democratic Action, Monday, 5 to 10 p.m. at the Wax Museum. Attractions include dancing, dining (a "Redskins menu" is promised) and drinking, with guest bartenders, including Mayor Barry and Redskins team members. Tickets are $25. Call 638-2447.
* Downtown, the 9:30 Club (930 F Street NW) presents its First Quadrennial Inaugural Ball, Monday at 9 p.m., featuring art, videos, dancing, performances. Dress: As though there's no tomorrow. Tickets $3. Call 638-2008.