Okay, boys and girls, let's take the Teensploitation Film Quiz!
Question 1. There is a new movie out called "Fast Forward." It is about:
a. Whiz kids who make tape recorders and use a shotgun mike to spy on the girls' dorm, ultimately coming into conflict with a huge Japanese stereo equipment conglomerate.
b. A high school basketball star who transfers to a new school, where he fights with a gang of local rich kids, falls in love with the gangleader's girl and struggles to win a scholarship.
c. A dance troupe from Sandusky, Ohio, that takes its act to New York, where it competes in a sort of Ted Mack Amateur Hour.
The answer is: c.
Question 2. The lyrics of the first song advise:
a. "All the walls are gonna fall tonight."
b. "It's time to roll the dice."
c. "We're gonna keep the fires burning."
d. All of the above.
The answer is: d. The image is Joshua shooting craps during the Fall of Rome.
Question 3. The adolescent hoofers call themselves:
a. The Adventurous Eight
b. The Magnificent Seven
c. Four for Texas Whose Directions Got Screwed Up
The answer is: a. In a movie where life is just One Big Adventure, that's a freebie.
Question 4. In their attempts to "prove we can survive in this big bad apple," the kids are stymied by:
a. A dance troupe of rich kids who try to ace them out.
b. A corrupt talent agent.
c. An evil principal back home who hates them for being "creative."
The answer is: b. Clem Friedkin (Sam McMurray), head of Sabol Associates, has manipulated the annual talent search so that his clients win; Ida Sabol (Irene Worth), widow of the founder, helps the kids as a way to honor her husband's memory. Bonus question: Why did Irene Worth agree to do this movie?
Question 5. The leader of the troupe ditches his girlfriend (also in the troupe) for:
a. Ida Sabol.
b. A welder in a Pittsburgh steel plant.
c. A rich girl who's only using him to get back at her rich boyfriend.
The answer is: c. John Scott Clough (who ought to change his name to Earnest) loses his love for Tamara Mark in the glamorous glare of the radiant Karen Kopins, an East Side deb.
Question 6. "Fast Forward" is directed by:
a. Sidney Poitier.
b. Alan Parker.
c. Don Simpson.
d. None of the above.
The answer is: a. Although if you answered d, the judges would have to give you credit, since there's no indication that anyone directed the movie. Fast forward! Rewind! Eject!
Fast Forward, opening today at area theaters, is rated PG and contains some profanity.