Women, claim Melvyn Kinder and Connell Cowan, coauthors of Smart Women/Foolish Choices, must accept these maxims to smarten up in choosing men:
* There are no perfect men -- but there is "a wondrous supply of really solid men out there."
* "Exciting" men can make women miserable.
* Reforming a man is usually futile. Don't make your lover a lifetime project.
* Growing up means giving up Daddy. Men don't want a surrogate daughter. Childlike or manipulative women drive men away.
* Anger scares men off. Don't start a new love affair with anger and resentment from an old one.
* No man can give a woman self-esteem. No one wants to be someone else's salvation.
* Many good men go unnoticed. People's best qualities usually reveal themselves over time -- not in a restaurant on a first date.
* Fewer expectations lead to greater aliveness. Rigid "supposed to's" choke relationships and disguised expectations make men wary.
* Fully realized women are strong and tender. Smart women trust their strength and power enough to allow their tenderness to emerge.
* The game of courtship is delightful. Don't fight mating rituals.
* Finding takes initiative. Don't wait for good fortune, create it. Enjoy finding a man without undo focus on eventual outcomes.
* Men like women who like men. Warmth and acceptance is the best catalyst for creating chemistry.
* Women who really listen are irresistible.
* Romantic tension keeps relationships alive. Don't take your mate for granted -- a little uncertainty keeps men stimulated.
* Men do want to commit. A smart woman should be aware that the shock of an ultimatum may be what is needed to make a man aware of that.
* Women are responsible for their own experiences. Work hard at creating your own destiny.