Some tips on personal relationships from Melvyn Kinder and Connell Cowan, coauthors of Smart Women/Foolish Choices, and Martha Smith and Maureen Croteau, coauthors of Shipwrecked in the Tunnel of Love:

Smith and Croteau on desperation: "If he says he had a hard time finding your house, don't offer to move to a more convenient location. Resist the urge to say, 'Oh, my closet could easily accommodate an entire male wardrobe.' "

Kinder and Cowan on desperation: "It's a sad paradox that women who most need love often have the least chance of finding it, especially when they are unaware of the signals of desperation they send that may alienate men."

Smith and Croteau on men to avoid: "He says, suavely, 'You remind me of my first wife.' His car has a bumper sticker reading, 'Caution: I stop for hookers.' Steer clear of any guy who knows and uses the terms 'role reversal' and 'open marriage.' "

Kinder and Cowan on men to avoid: "Some women thrive on a dangerous combination of needs: longing, mystery and adventure. These compelling emotional forces lead women to involvement in unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships with men who are ungiving but not uninteresting."

Smith and Croteau on married men: "Finding out that the man of your dreams is married is not a crisis -- unless, of course, you've been going steady for two years."

Kinder and Cowan on married men: "What someone else has always looks better. 'All the good ones are married' is a myth. It's just that men who are in a commitment seem more relaxed and comfortable, they seem stronger, a sense of humor emerges."

Smith and Croteau on psychology: "Encounter groups are nice, but they'll never take the place of two scoops of Rocky Road. Psychiatrists are okay but hot fudge is better."

Kinder and Cowan on smart women: "Men in fact love smart women, providing that they also have the kind of sensitivity and softness and nurturing side that balances off their strength."