Is this what they mean by parity?

"Imagine," President Reagan said in his presummit speech Thursday night, "if people in our nation could see the Bolshoi Ballet again, while Soviet citizens could see American plays and hear groups like the Beach Boys."

The Beach Boys for the Bolshoi.

We used to send them Leonard Bernstein. Oh, what a cold, cold war.

"No comment. It's State Department business," said a spokesman for the National Endowment for the Arts.

"They're sending a letter to the president . . . I mean, they're thrilled," said the band's PR person in Los Angeles.

Should the Kremlin be told about the little credit problem the band has with the U.S. Park Service? (That matter of $98,200 plus 6 percent interest for cleanup fees after last summer's July Fourth concert on the Mall, according to the Park Service. In December, it goes to a bill collector.) The Beach Boys haven't been invited back to the Mall next year, so why not Russia? Be there in Red Square. Gulag vibrations and wish they all could be Byelorussian girls. They could even sell some T-shirts on the tour. Maybe $98,200 worth.

Perhaps the president was doing some rock 'n' roll saber rattling. The scenario goes like this:

At Summit II we raise the specter of Wayne Newton.

And if they're still talking tough by Summit III, we deploy Twisted Sister.