Washington is a city of excesses, where people talk too much, go out too much, spend too much, campaign too much, eat too much, write too much, travel too much, fib too much, forget too much, pretend too much, moan too much and snitch too much.
But there's nothing like a brand new year to begin mending one's ways. And because newsmakers are people like the rest of us (even if the rest of us seldom do any of the above), Washington Ways has come up with a list of resolutions to help make 1986 happier for a few of its old favorites.
Be it resolved, then, by:
Don Regan -- Never to throw his weight around, at least in mixed company.
Nancy Reagan -- To keep throwing her weight around, at least in mixed company.
Ronald Reagan -- To stop making up all that stuff.
George Bush -- To be neat, keen, nifty and just tremendous.
Ted Kennedy -- To eat all the ice cream his heart desires.
Jim Rosebush -- Never to carry another handbag.
The Beach Boys -- To lie down and be quiet.
Jerry Falwell -- To lie down and be quiet.
Pat Robertson -- To quit talking to higher authorities.
The royals -- To get out more.
The Doles -- To get out more.
Mike Deaver -- To trade in the BMW for a Rolls.
Armand Hammer -- To stop saying, "As I was telling the Kremlin."
Jack Kemp -- To get a haircut.
Joe Theismann -- Never to run for president.
Gary Hart -- To swap his campaign of "New Ideas" for a campaign of "Fun Thoughts."
Margaret Heckler -- To resist all promotions.
Bud McFarlane -- To visit Ireland.
Tip O'Neill -- To visit Ireland.
Lucky Reagan -- To visit Ireland.
George Shultz -- Never to tell a lie.
Bill Casey -- To declare Georgetown restaurants off limits.
Geraldine Ferraro -- To get a job.
Dan Rostenkowski -- To get his lame ducks in a row.
Cap Weinberger -- To stop writing letters.
Mikhail Gorbachev -- To hire Deng Xiaoping's PR man.
Deng Xiaoping's PR man -- To hire Mike Deaver.
Jesse Jackson -- To be caught quoteless once in a while.
Sylvester Stallone, John Travolta, Brooke Shields, Don Johnson, Philip-Michael Thomas, Raquel Welch -- Never to go to another White House party.