Patricia Kramer lists these four major problem areas she wants to see addressed in schools, at the teen-age level:

*Self-esteem. "Knowing you're okay and that, if you feel good about yourself, you can accomplish a great deal."

*Communication and Dealing With Conflict. "To learn how to communicate effectively with people about your feelings, and not attack people and put them on the defensive. It's also dealing with anger: If you've learned how to express your feelings they don't get so bottled up inside that you feel you have to explode."

*Unrealistic Expectations. "We grow up with a lot of fantasies -- fairy tales, TV shows, which even today have more fantasy than reality; books, love stories when we're young. Even parents train girls that 'When you get married you'll be taken care of.' Girls fantasize that they won't have to go out into the real world on their own.

"[Men] dream of their wife being supportive -- being at home, taking care of them, etcetera . . . People's expectations are unrealistic."

*Gender Roles. "Men are wrapped in blue and women wrapped in pink. From that day forward, the world begins to treat them in a different way. Even nurses and parents treat the newborns differently. You hold the child softly" if it's a girl. If the child is a boy, says Kramer, "You hold it rougher and say, 'Isn't he a handsome brute?' The process begins then."

Girls, she says, are believed to need more attention, are given less freedom and expected to stay closer to home. All these roles foisted upon the genders "affect the way we are as adults . . . Adults are really angry at each other. The bottom line is, they don't understand each other."

For more information on the "Dynamics of Relationships": Patricia Kramer, Equal Partners, 11348 Connecticut Ave., Kensington, Md. 20895. 301-933-1489.