Okay, Mister International Film Star -- there's a backed-up sewer in Carmel, Calif., with your name on it.
Clint Eastwood, the mayor-elect of the tiny tourist town on the Monterey Peninsula -- properly called by its quaint official name "Carmel-by-the-Sea" -- will have his work cut out for him when he takes the oath of office next Tuesday.
Mayor Charlotte Townsend, a lame duck since the municipal election Tuesday, lists sewers, downed trees, chronic flooding and barking dogs among the pressing issues her successor can expect to be grappling with.
"I won't give him any advice," Townsend said yesterday from city hall. "I will leave a long list of things he needs to do with the city administrator."
At an afternoon news conference Eastwood said he had received a congratulatory call from President Reagan. "He requoted his line, 'What's an actor who's played with a monkey want to be doing in politics?' " said Eastwood, who appeared with an orangutan in "Every Which Way But Loose" and "Any Which Way You Can."
Reagan shared billing with a chimpanzee in "Bedtime for Bonzo."
Townsend's four-year run in the mayor's office ended abruptly when the voters opted -- by 2,166 to 799, in the biggest turnout in local history -- to give Clint the starring role. The campaign turned surreal as hordes of journalists from around the world descended on the city and commenced hectoring the candidates about "Dirty Harry" and who would make whose day.
At one point, a television crew from the Canadian Broadcasting Company -- their enthusiasm not to be cooled by candidate Eastwood's no-interview policy -- asked incumbent Townsend if they could move into her house for a week. The Canadians thought better of it after she agreed, on condition that they assume the dusting and dish-washing chores.
"Numb -- and very surprised," Townsend said, when asked how she was feeling the day after her defeat. "This whole thing has been so completely out of focus." She interrupted the interview to watch a couple of tourists emerge from an illegally parked van and begin snapping photos of the actor's new digs. "There's an ongoing problem of the impact of tourism," she resumed, "and of 40,000 to 50,000 cars a day converging on a residential community of one square mile. Believe me, I don't think that's going to decrease with a film celebrity being the mayor."
Townsend enumerated a host of other concerns facing the incoming Eastwood adminstration:
*Four of the city's 10,515 trees on public property were knocked down by a bad storm two months ago. They must be replaced.
*The Holman Highway, otherwise known as Route 68, the main access road to Community Hospital, recently reached "F-capacity," meaning that the traffic "is almost at gridlock." A solution must be found.
*The cable TV company serving Carmel wants to change its billing policy so that landlords of apartment buildings with 10 units or fewer, not the tenants, are responsible for monthly payments. The landlords are furious. Something must be done.
*A storm drain must be installed beneath Fourth Avenue from San Carlos to Lincoln streets, to combat persistent flooding. "We've had several vehicle spinoffs because of hydroplaning," Townsend said.
*A countywide "origination and destination" traffic study, to which Carmel has already contributed its share, has been postponed because several of the municipalities involved don't want to pay. Negotiations are called for.
*Mayor Eastwood must appoint someone very soon to fill an important vacancy on the Local Refuse and Disposal District.
And that's not all.
"People would call me at home all the time," Townsend said, "sometimes late at night. It could be about anything -- a dog barking, objections to noisy music coming from the youth center, little old ladies with a backed-up sewer. Either I've tried to deal with it myself or I've given them the number of the right person to call."
Eastwood may well escape calls at home, however. As Townsend noted, "He's the only politician on the peninsula with an unlisted phone number."
Asked if she plans to leave her successor anything when she clears out of her office early next week, Townsend said she hadn't thought about it.
"What would you suggest?" she inquired. "A burr under his saddle?"