A group of concerned citizens yesterday announced a fund-raising event to help the frost-stricken citrus growers in Florida.
"We're calling it Lemon Aid," said organizer Daf Beldorf, adding that volunteers would form a human chain around the fruit trees, sucking lemons.
You believe that, right? You'd believe anything at this point. Live Aid, Band Aid, Farm Aid, Art Aid, Drive Aid, Sport Aid, Fashion Aid -- and now there's even a Nuke Aid, in Moscow, for the victims of the Chernobyl disaster. It's enough to make you reach for a Rolaid.
I'm not against holding hands for the homeless. But whatever happened sw,-1 sk,1 to bake sales? Walk-a-thons? Coin boxes to buy clothes for what the nuns used to refer to as "pagan babies"?
How many megafundraisers can we the world support?
"What we're dealing with is national consciousness," said Richie Martin, who has organized something called "Life Aid," billed as "one of the biggest global concert rallies ever held" (this week, anyway). The proceeds from next Saturday's concert in Dallas, featuring Debby ("You Light Up My Life") Boone, are to be used to combat pornography, abortion and -- according to a "Life Aid" press release -- all around "morale erosion."
"Whether it's hunger or farmers, we're taking the issues out of our community," Martin said yesterday. "We're saying we're going to stick together."
Cynics who doubt this community spirit will last may soon be bombarded with a new round of Aids. Farm Aid II is coming up in July, of course. But there's really no need for reruns -- the possibilities are endless:
*Marital Aid: Doc Johnson heads a nationwide sexual marathon; proceeds to Planned Parenthood.
*Air Aid: A grassroots effort to raise money to educate Valley Girls.
*Gator Aid: Concerned citizens band together to save the Florida alligators. Volunteers link together by holding alligator purses.
*Prom 'n' Aid: Donations are collected for the dateless.
*Kool Aid: A fundraiser to stamp out menthol cigarettes.
Where will it all end? "I think it's just become a genre," says Martin. "I think it's here to stay.