Ollie North's recent job in the White House has been one of the most sought after in the country. Every lieutenant colonel in the United States wants it, and intensive interviews are now being held by the NSC to fill Ollie's shoes.
"Okay, who is next?"
"I am, sir. I love my country and will do anything legally to protect it, even it if turns out later that it's illegal. I'll go up the hill and down with anyone in the executive branch of government."
"Now, colonel, this job requires somebody who is brave, strong, unrelenting and willing to be the fall guy on television. How does that grab you?"
"Who do I have to be a fall guy for?"
"Anybody who ranks over you or under you. We expect you to follow orders or not follow them, whichever is most convenient to the president."
"Does this mean I should consider myself a loose cannon on the deck of the ship?"
"That is one of the most important parts of the job."
"I can do that, sir. When do you want me to go to Tehran?"
"Tehran is off limits since we sold them arms that they now have announced they would shoot at our ships."
"Selling arms to Iran was a dumb thing to do. Who is the jerk who thought of that one?"
"We have to assume it came from the top."
"You mean Bill Casey?"
"Of course. He's dead, so he now can be blamed for everything."
"What about the Gipper?"
"Don't expect him to remember anything if you get caught."
"If I can't go to Tehran, where do you want me to go?"
"We want you to go to Country No. 2 and pick up money for Country No. 1, but don't talk to Country No. 3 unless it's absolutely necessary. When you deliver the money to a bank in Switzerland, be sure to use General Secord's number. But don't touch Albert Hakim's account or that of the ayatollah."
"Who gets the money?"
"Everybody. But it has to be kept secret from the Israeli Chamber of Commerce."
"I get it -- you want me to lie like an officer and a gentleman."
"We don't want you to lie, but that is the only way to run the country. Don't worry about the consequences. Ollie lied and he's now in clover."
"I know I'll never be another Ollie North, but I pray I can keep my traveler's checks in as good an order as he did."
"Now, colonel, let's get down to the serious business. How good are you at shredding classified documents?"
"I won my letter in it at the Naval Academy."
"Here's a shredder. Sit down over there and start shredding. Don't quit until I tell you to stop."
"Hey, this is fun. What do I do besides shred?"
"In case you get subpoenaed by Congress, take this poison pill."