Captain Airwaves, you're a real happening guy! ...

Why, thank you, Dr. Goodcolumn ...

I mean, how else does one explain your first item today, i.e., "Jane Fonda has already signed to appear on Dolly Parton's 'Dolly' series this fall on ABC"? ...

Q.E.D., Doc ...

And this one: "Warner Wolf is no longer with 'CBS Morning News.' But the sportscaster is still very big at WCBS in New York. Belt-tightening is cited by a spokesman for the network's decision not to renew Warner's contract. In June." ...

Res ipsa loquitur, Goodcolumn ...

Don't res ipsa me, Airwaves. Those are two of the weakest items that have crossed my desk here at the clinic this summer. I'm prescribing a rest. A long one ...

Gee, thanks, Dr. Goodcolumn! ...

Not for you, you idiot. I'm prescribing a rest for the poor readers. Now get out of here and get to work. And I don't want to see you here again for a couple of weeks ...

But Seriously CBS Inc. president Laurence Tisch met the TV press out in Redondo Beach, Calif., yesterday and apparently came out unscathed ... if not particularly quotable ...

Responding to questions about further cuts at CBS News, he said he was "satisfied with the level of personnel at CBS News ... We will spend any amount of money necessary to cover the news to the fullest extent ... {but} we're looking to cut excess waste" ...

He also said he was "hopeful that 'The Morning Program' continues to improve and it becomes a program we can look forward to as a long-term program" (last week, "The Morning Program" checked in with a 2.2 Nielsen rating and a 12 percent share of the network audience, far behind, as usual, NBC's "Today" show and ABC's "Good Morning America") ...

Tisch also insisted that "we're building something with 'West 57th' " (another very low-rated show). "If it succeeds, as I believe it will, five or 10 years from now we will have another '60 Minutes' owned by CBS" ...

As for "CBS Evening News" anchor Dan Rather, whose program has been lagging behind NBC and, usually, ABC, for 16 straight weeks now, Tisch said, "I consider my relations with Dan Rather to be excellent. We're good friends; we see each other frequently. I'm a big supporter. He knows I think he's the best in the business" ...

Speaking of Rather, CBS announced yesterday that he'll be anchoring "CBS Evening News" from Miami on Sept. 10-11, and will provide live coverage of the arrival of Pope John Paul II in Florida at 2 p.m. on the 10th. "CBS Morning News" will also broadcast from Miami on those two dates ...

The network plans a documentary, "The State of the Catholic Church in America," to be aired sometime during the pontiff's 10-day visit in America ...

Also at Redondo Beach this week, CBS News president Howard Stringer hinted that William Geist, recently lured from The New York Times for a spot on CBS' "Sunday Morning," might be a candidate to succeed Bill Moyers as a commentator on "Evening News" ...

And CBS programming executive Kim LeMasters said that among the "CBS Summer Playhouse" entries, "one show, 'The Doctors Wilde,' generated enough of a response that we are revisiting it" although no decision regarding its future has been made yet ...

"The Doctors Wilde" attracted 120,000 phone calls from viewers the night it aired, 119,000 of them favorable ...

Locally, the ABC News bureau has eliminated its two-member purchasing department ...

With the National Association of Broadcast Employees and Technicians (NABET) strike against NBC heading for its seventh week, keep an eye on negotiations that begin next week in Phoenix between CBS and the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers ...

IBEW represents 1,500 employes at CBS who, except for writers, handle the same jobs NABET members filled at NBC. That total includes 850 in New York and about 115 in the CBS News Washington bureau ... cameramen handling news, sporting events and soap operas, as well as engineers -- all the key technical personnel ...

Their three-year contract expires Sept. 30 and already CBS has dispatched a 179-page contract proposal to IBEW that in a memo circulated to union members last month one negotiator called "the most seriously damaging proposals to our future that we have ever faced" ...

"The proposals presented to the Writers Guild of America by CBS and to NABET by General Electric {the owner of NBC}, which resulted in the company trying to force its will on the unions and in turn forcing them out on the street, can't compare in its devastations to these {CBS} proposals" (negotiator's emphasis) ...

At the heart of the CBS proposal for a new three-year pact: the right to unlimited use of temporary hires and a sharp reduction in the protection of seniority ...

(As NBC officials don't hesitate to point out to anybody from NABET who might be listening, its final offer to the union last spring called for no more than 6 percent to be temporary hires and asked for no changes in current seniority rules) ...

Michael G. Deleso, a member of the negotiating team for Local 1212 of IBEW in New York, told us yesterday that, despite the warning memo to members, "we are hopeful. We're ready to spend five weeks in Phoenix talking so we {CBS and IBEW} can both be satisfied with the outcome" ...

Local Ratingzzz The early Nielsen ratings for the July sweeps are in so here are some comparative figures in the local news races (Arbitron numbers are in parentheses) ...

As we predicted, Five's good showing in the ARB book doesn't quite hold up in Nielsen, but nevertheless, the Fox-owned station had a pretty good month ...

As in the ARB book, Fox's 8 to 10 p.m. Saturday and 7 to 10 p.m. Sunday lineups, finished second behind Four and Nine, respectively, in the Nielsen book ...

From 5 to 6 p.m., Mondays through Fridays, Nine news leads with a 9.0 rating and a 23 percent audience share (6.8/19), followed by "Good Times" and "Alice" on Five at 7.8/19 (8.7/24), Seven news at 6.8/17 (5.7/17) and Four news at 6.5/15 (5.0/14) ...

From 6 to 7 p.m., M-F, Nine news is ahead again with a 10.9/23 (7.9/21), followed by Five at 9.2/20 (9.8/24), Seven news (for the first half hour) 7.8/17 (6.6/16), and Four 7.7/16 (6.3/16) ...

At 6:30, M-F, "ABC World News Tonight" on Seven does a 9.5/20 (8.4/20) ...

At 7 p.m., M-F, "CBS Evening News" on Nine leads with an 11.7/24 (8.0/18), followed by "Jeopardy" on Seven with a 10.1/21 (9.4/21), "Taxi" on Five with 7.8/16 (8.2/19) and "NBC Nightly News" on Four with 6.5/13 (6.1/14) ...

At 7:30, M-F, "Wheel of Fortune" on Nine leads with a 10.9/23 (10.5/24), followed by "M*A*S*H" on Five with 9.4/20 (8.1/19), "Entertainment Tonight" on Seven with 9.3/19 (7.7/17)and "Newlywed Game" on Four with 5.0/11 (5.9/13) ...

At 11 p.m., Mondays through Sundays, Four news leads with 10.7/25 (8.0/20), followed by Nine news with 9.8/23 (8.0/20), and Seven news with 7.7/18 (8.2/20) ...

Channel 5's 10 p.m. news averaged a 9.4/18 (9.3/19) ...

From sign-on to sign-off (6 a.m. to 2 a.m.), Mondays through Sundays, Nine was first in the Nielsen book, while Five (which was first in ARB) finished in a tie for second with Seven, followed by Four and a distant Channel 20 ...

Channel 4, the NBC station here, led in primetime Mondays through Sundays, with a Nielsen count of 10.2/20 (10.1/20), followed by Nine (CBS) at 10.1/19 (8.8/18), Seven (ABC) at 8.9/17 (9.3/19) and Five (Fox) at 7.6/15 (8.1/16) ...

And remember, just seven days until Larry King appears on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno ...