The fun of watching the seven Democratic presidential candidates on TV is guessing who they are. The other day it was my turn to have the gang over, and this is how it went.
"Who is the fellow from Arizona?"
"He's the one with the dark suit on."
"Six of the seven have dark suits on."
"Well, I know he's not the guy with the bow tie."
"How do you know that?"
"Because there is only one guy in the presidential race with a bow tie and he's from somewhere in the Midwest."
"I recognize a candidate."
"The fellow with the mustache. That's Jesse Jackson."
"How can you be sure it's Jesse Jackson?"
"Because he is the only one in the campaign who has a mustache, like the other guy is the only one who has a bow tie. This makes both of them very different from the others."
"I think that's Joe Biden of Delaware at the end."
"How do you know that?"
"Because he's attacking the size of the Republican deficit."
"They all have attacked the size of the Republican deficit. The person you say is Biden could be any of the seven."
"It could even be Dukakis. He is confused with Biden when they're debating."
"It's hard to tell Dukakis from the others because he doesn't look like anybody."
"Any idea who the fellow in the light suit is?"
"That's probably the candidate from Iowa. I don't know his name, but he's always getting into an argument with the senator from Tennessee whose name I think is Gephardt."
"No, dummy, the senator from Tennessee is named Babbitt."
"I thought Babbitt was from Illinois. It isn't easy to keep them straight."
"They all look like excellent prospects to me."
"And they each have their own personality, which causes them to stand out in a crowd -- and makes it easy to identify with them."
"Who is the one for taxes and against war?"
"I think Jackson. No, it could be Simon."
"You haven't been listening. All seven are for taxes and against war."
"Have any of them come out against lying in government?"
"As far as I can tell most of them have taken a position against lying in government."
"Well, at least they agree on something."
"I think they agree on everything."
"How can you have seven candidates who agree on everything?"
"Because they don't want to get anybody mad at them."
"What is most peculiar is Jesse Jackson is the one making all the jokes. When did Jackson start telling jokes?"
"When Gary Hart got caught in Bimini."