More from the mail sack . . . .
Dear Bob: I am a 25-year-old public relations account executive with a small firm downtown. Like 99 percent of the single women in this town, I've had my share of dateless Saturday nights. But luckily, I'm in a job where I meet a lot of people, and I guess I'm pretty attractive, so my situation isn't as bad as some.
Earlier this year, I became involved with a 33-year-old stockbroker from Bethesda. For over two months, he pursued me relentlessly -- champagne by the monuments at midnight, the theater, flowers, expensive dinners, the whole bit. He even told me on several occasions that he wanted me to date him exclusively.
Things were going great until he found out that I wasn't ready to 'close the deal,' if you know what I mean.
I couldn't make him understand that even though this is the big city in 1987, there are still some morally straight young ladies around who don't just plunge right into quick relationships. Also, as much fun as wining and dining was, I never really felt like I was getting to know him.
It's been three months since I've seen him and now he won't take my phone calls and refuses to see me to discuss this. I've been out with lots of guys since, but I can't get him out of my mind. I was really starting to like him, and I know he liked me.
Can this relationship be salvaged? What should I do? He reads your column every day. P.R. PATTY
Dear Patty: The only thing this yo-yo left out of his act was the old bit about how, gee, Patty, a guy has needs, and gosh, Patty, if you keep saying no, I might have to take a cold shower.
I like your choice of the expression, "closing the deal." It couldn't be more apt. Our stockbroking friend is treating you like a dimwitted fool who needs to be pushed into some incomprehensible tax shelter. He has forgotten to notice two things: 1) You're a human being, not an account; 2) He might have closed the deal if he had remembered Point One.
Forget the guy, Patty. I know that's easy advice for me to offer at a distance. But you don't really have any other choice. If he ever deigns to take your call, and you start up with him again, it's just a matter of time before "closing the deal" becomes the big issue (and probably the only issue) once again.
Dear Bob: I am writing to you because I am in search of advice.
My car was stolen about three weeks ago. I have had no luck in locating it, nor has the police department. I am certain that my car is still in Washington because there has been proof of that from another source. But the police have not spotted my car at all.
Where do I get help if the Metropolitan Police Department will not assist me? Unfortunately, I am not a wealthy person that can afford to hire a private investigator. LONELY SEARCHER FROM EAST RIVERDALE
Dear Lonely: You've given up on the police department mighty quickly. Auto squad detectives tell me that three weeks is by no means enough time to find every stolen car. Besides, the car may no longer be in the city, despite your "proof . . . . from another source."
Another possibility: the car may not exist any longer. Many stolen cars are taken right away to "chop shops," where they are dismembered so the parts can be sold.
Give the situation and the cops two more weeks. If there's still no sign of the car, contact your insurance company and arrange a settlement.
If you still insist on trying to find the car after five weeks, good luck. You'll need it.
Dear Bob: I think I'm well enough to write this letter, but I'm not sure. I have been sick to my stomach for the last three days, because of a hot dog I bought from a sidewalk vendor in Silver Spring.
I never eat hot dogs, but I had missed my lunch, and it was 3 o'clock, and I was so hungry that I just decided to do it. I got sick within about half an hour, so it must have been the hot dog, and not my breakfast, that caused it.
Is there any way I can sue the guy who sold me the hot dog? I know who he is, and he always pitches camp on the same corner. FEEL-ICKY FRANKFURTER
Dear Feel-Icky: Hey, you want to sue the guy, go ahead and sue the guy. But consider this: It's hard to get blood out of a stone. It's harder to get blood out of a small independent businessman. He might have to pay off in hot dogs, which isn't exactly what you're after.
My suggestion won't win you any direct satisfaction. But at least it'll make the coast a little clearer for the next person who has missed lunch and who says what-the-heck at 3 p.m. on a Silver Spring street.
Report the guy to the Montgomery County Health Department (251-7272). They licensed him. They can unlicense him.