"George Bush is making a mistake," Whiner told me.
"In what way?" I asked.
"By declaring he is not a wimp he's alienating the wimp vote in the country."
"He needs a lot of wimps to win the election."
"I didn't know there were many," I said.
"There are a lot more of us than there are of them," Whiner said. "And don't forget wimps vote as a bloc."
"You'd think Bush's people would have researched it."
"By denying he is a wimp, Bush is sending out a message that there is something wrong with being one. That's what the wimps are crying about. The question we would like to put to the vice president is what's wrong with being one if it's how you feel?"
"I guess nothing if you don't flaunt it."
"There are some of us who think Bush is a secret wimp and is afraid to come out of the closet."
"I don't believe that," I protested. "I think he honestly hates wimps -- perhaps it has something to do with his living in Texas."
"There are a lot of wimps in Texas. We're all over the map, and when we get upset we can be a mighty force in deciding who our next president is going to be. If Bush thinks the macho voters are going to put him over the top without wimp support he's crazy."
"What makes a person a wimp?" I asked.
"It's definitely genetic. It's passed down through the male side of the family. You can always spot a wimp because he whines and cries a lot and continually loses at arm wrestling."
"Women don't like wimps, do they?"
"They say they don't, but most of them marry one. Shere Hite, who just completed a sexual survey, says 93 percent of all American women have slept with a wimp. Women prefer them because wimps are afraid to yell at their mates."
"So by attacking wimps Bush could lose the spouse vote as well?"
"It seems that way. No woman wants a president who doesn't remind her of her husband."
"Are you predicting the wimp factor will decide the 1988 election?"
"I believe so. The wimps are sick and tired of being denigrated by politicians and football fans, and we intend to introduce Wimp Power into the White House. By insisting he is not a wimp Bush is endorsing the prejudice that we have had to live with for years. We may be snivelers, but we have rights, too."
"Suppose all the candidates ignore you. What will your people do?"
"Sit the election out. Wimps don't have to vote unless they want to."
"It appears that Bush has a lot of apologizing to do before he gets your support. What can he do to make it up to you?"
"I'd like him to go on television and say he respects wimps and admires their way of life. He must come out for equal job opportunities and fair treatment for all wimps. And finally, Bush has to promise to appoint a wimp to the Supreme Court as soon as possible."