Ronald Reagan got into bed and sighed, "Mikhail is really a nice guy."
Nancy punched her pillow with her fist.
"He's feisty, but he has a sense of humor," the president went on.
Nancy punched her pillow again.
"Why are you doing that?" Ronald asked.
"I can't believe it. I was publicly upstaged by a communist," Nancy said, hitting her pillow once more.
"You're just imagining things," Ronald said. "Raisa wouldn't upstage you."
"Where do you get this Raisa stuff from?" Nancy demanded.
"Well, he calls me Ronnie, and I call him Mikhail, so I don't see anything wrong with calling her Raisa, and the two of them calling you Nancy. That is what summits are all about."
"I don't care what you call her, she humiliated me and she did it on purpose."
"No one could humiliate you, Nancy."
"How would you know? You were locked up in meetings all day and you had no idea what was going on outside."
"What did she do?"
"For one thing, she wouldn't let me know if she was coming to tea or not. I had egg on my face when I couldn't tell the press what time she was arriving."
"You know how Russians are when it comes to their tea."
"That's the point. When she came she didn't want tea, she wanted coffee. I had to go out in the kitchen and make a fresh pot."
"It doesn't matter. We signed an intermediate-range missile treaty. I never thought the Russians would do it."
Nancy said, "I knew you'd take her side instead of mine."
"You're overreacting, Nancy."
"You don't know about the tour of the White House I gave her with the TV cameras covering us."
"How could Raisa upstage you in your own house?"
"She kept straightening my paintings," Nancy cried. "And every time I told her a historical fact about the White House she topped me with two I didn't know. I'm sure the KGB briefed her on every piece of furniture on the ground floor."
Ronnie acted shocked. "I didn't know this or I would have demanded a 50 percent reduction in Soviet conventional forces."
"You're just saying that because you want to go to sleep," Nancy said, punching her pillow again.
"Look, when we go to Moscow you can get back at her. You can be late for tea and we'll get the CIA to help you bone up on the Kremlin so you know more than Raisa does."
"Suppose she doesn't invite me to visit the Kremlin? Are you still going to sign a long-range missile treaty?"
"Probably not," Ronald said.
"You're just saying that so I'll shut up."
"You're taking this too hard, Nancy. Men understand peace, but it's more difficult for women to realize what is at stake. If you and Raisa don't hit it off, it doesn't mean the end of the world. But if Mikhail and I don't -- it does."
"Every time Raisa Gorbachev saw reporters she broke away from me and talked to them. She never stopped pushing me aside to look into the TV cameras. I don't call that glasnost."
"So what do you want me to do?"
"You're the president of the United States. My question to you is, are you going to keep allowing the Russians to pull the wool over your eyes?"
Ronald replied, "Of course not, my little babushka."