Many people said things in 1987 they now regret. This is what they should have said to avoid getting into so much trouble.

Nancy Reagan should have said to Raisa Gorbachev, "I'm all tied up this week, so I'll leave the key under the doormat. If you want to see the house just go in and have a look around."

Ollie North -- "I will have nothing to do with a covert operation that bypasses Congress and the State Department. I did not don a Marine uniform to sell arms to moderate Iranians."

Adm. Poindexter -- "This information is too important for me to make a decision by myself. I'm going to have to show it to the president, and let him take the heat."

Gary Hart -- "Everybody is making such a big deal of me being on the Monkey Business when it went to Bimini. What if I told you I was seasick the entire time?"

Ivan Boesky -- "The only reason I dealt in inside information was to help the Hopi Indians."

Arizona Gov. Mecham -- "I have been accused of being a bigot and a racist. It's all rubbish. When I tell a story about a Pullman car porter and a kosher butcher who tried to steal a blanket from a drunken Mexican in a Polish neighborhood, I am paying honor to all nationalities and races who have made this country great."

Jim Bakker -- "Tammy and I intend to retire from the ministry and devote our lives to appearing on Ted Koppel's show."

Jessica Hahn -- "When Jim did these terrible things to me I cried my eyes out until this nice man from Playboy magazine drove me to his home and took beautiful pictures of me in the shower for which I received a generous fee."

Sen. Biden -- "Plagiarizing is a dirty business but somebody has to do it."

Judge Bork -- "In answer to the question, senator, I am only required to give my name, rank and serial number."

Judge Ginsburg -- "Freedom of speech doesn't give anyone the right to yell 'Grass!' in a crowded movie theater."

Donald Trump -- "I'm sick of my name and would change it to Hartpence tomorrow if it would help me sell condominiums."

Fawn Hall -- "Ollie liked to see me shred confidential papers late at night, and that's why I never got married."

Mikhail Gorbachev -- "The next time Presi- dent Reagan wants me to explain the birthmark on top of my head I'm going to ask him what that stupid hearing aid is doing in his ear."

Ronald Reagan -- "I don't like pardons, but what else can I do for a team player whose only crime was that he broke the law?"

Ed Meese -- "Some people prefer to attend football games. I'd rather appear before grand juries."

Mike Deaver -- "I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me God. And I'd like to make that retroactive."

Boris Yeltsin -- "If I had to do glasnost all over again I'd drop all references to Mr. Big."

Kurt Waldheim -- "The only thing I did when I was an officer for the Third Reich was drive an ambulance distributing blood to Yugoslav partisans and candy to Greek children."

Pope John Paul II -- "Mr. Waldheim, I think you have the wrong pope."

John McEnroe -- "I believe in fining unruly tennis players because it gives the rest of us a chance to play the game the way gentlemen are supposed to play it."