The voice on the phone was groping for the right phrase. "Bob," it wondered, "when are you going to publish another collection of those (pause) . . . . What do you call them again?"
I call them Perfect Fit Last Names, voice, or PFLNs for short. And you don't have to wait another second to chow down on the latest collection.
Abigail James of Orange, Va., reports that the man who sells cut and split wood in her home town is Willy Tinder.
Virginia Blaeuer "turns in" an optician in Fairfax. He's Vernon See.
The next one is a PFLN partnership that ought to be. There's a real estate agent hereabouts named Jane Fairweather. There's another named Jane Friend. If they ever started their own firm . . . .
You can doubt this one all you like, but I swear it's true. The Metro police detective responsible for investigating sex crimes is Richard Flasher.
Want your gutters cleaned? If you live in Vienna, as Mary Stolzenbach does, you can call gutter specialist David Flow.
Thanks to Fred King for this bonbon: The codirector of the World Bank/International Monetary Fund Bridge Club is Claudette Trump.
Who runs a popular diet school in Bowie? Dee Lighter, of course.
Tysons Corner looks more like midtown Manhattan every day. So it didn't surprise Adele and Stanley Shapiro of McLean to learn that the general manager of the Tysons shopping center is Charles Cope.
Here's a PFLN that applies to a horse instead of a human. Ken Bernstein of Arlington reports that Upset is the only horse ever to beat the legendary Man o' War.
There's an FBI agent named James R. Molesworth Jr., says "a reader." There's a state forestry agent in Charlottesville named Grant Wood, say Dave and Debbie Dolinger of Herndon. And there used to be a pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies named Bob Walk, says Roy Lieberman of Gaithersburg.
Jack Williams of Southwest passes on the remarkable news that Dr. Arnold Kwart is a local urologist.
Ben Willis of McLean was much amused to learn what David J. Armor does for a living. He's an assistant secretary of defense.
Two-fer at Schneider & Higdon, a Greenbelt law firm. Dawn Quicksell is a settlement officer there, and Sherry Justice is a legal secretary (thanks, Mark T. Sullivan of Silver Spring).
E. James Lieberman says there's a psychiatrist in Texas named John Looney. Lawrence D. Cirignano reveals that the new head of the legal office in the Philadelphia branch of the Army Corps of Engineers is Richard Hassel. And Jim Horan would like the world to know that the rector of St. Mark's Episcopal Church in Colesville is Paul Mericle.
Much obliged to Frank Davenport for letting me know that the Marine Guard at the U.S. Embassy in Paris is Fred Vigil. Equally obliged to Evelyn Studer of Annandale for the name of her financial adviser. He's Harold Goldklang of Arlington.
Susan Alford's accountant? None other than Jenny Cashdollar.
Believe it or not (and I do, for I have just read a column of his), the restaurant reviewer for the Winston-Salem (N.C.) Journal is Randy Belcher.
Bess Teller proved it with his business card: The regional sales manager for Algoma Hardwoods, Inc., of Algoma, Wis., is Bob Logwood.
I'm still chuckling over this four-bagger from Mary Gibb of Kensington. When she attended a waterfowl festival in Easton in November, she saw paintings by Joy Swan, Paula Waterman, Don Sparrow and Ed Hatch.
Two morsels from Chuck Glazer: Craig K. Lien is a commercial real estate broker in Minnesota, and Susan H. Sublett leases office space in Hawaii.
"A friend in Reston" could hardly believe it when she fished an advertising leaflet out from under her door. It was from a local construction craftsman named Klaus Bang.
Peggy Kothmann-Sillars of Landover Hills was reading the recipes in a women's magazine. Three guesses who submitted one of them? Mrs. Homer Fudge.
Thank you, Susan B. Vavrick of Springfield, for your sharp eye. Susan notes that a new book, "Golf: Better Practice for Better Play," is coauthored by Linda Bunker.
Bill Main of Frederick nominates the nurse recruiter at Frederick Memorial Hospital: Mary Ann Comfort. Adele Samler of Rockville nominates a teller at a bank in Wheaton: Sandi Kasch. And finally for this batch, Alan N. Schlaifer nominates the former manager of water resources for a Tucson land sales company: Ed Geiser.
Got a goodie? No fair keeping it to yourself. Please mail it to PFLNs, Bob Levey, The Washington Post, Washington, D.C., 20071.