"Mommy, Georgie Bush is picking on me."

"What did he say, Bobby?"

"He said I called him a lap dog. I didn't call him a lap dog. The Rev. Robertson did."

"It doesn't surprise me, Bobby. Georgie has a history of mean-spiritedness."

"He also accused me of having a record of cronyism."

"That boy should have his mouth washed out with soap and water. What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to hit him where it counts. I'm going to say he is just a rich kid who doesn't know what it's like to be poor and down and out in New Hampshire."

"Bobby,that's mean and vicious and not presidential -- but I like it."

"Mommy, Mommy, I just told Georgie he was a spoiled mean brat and he said Elizabeth's blind trust has more holes in it than Swiss cheese."

"Don't just sit there and cry. Kick him in the shins."

"I will, Mommy. I'm going to say George Bush would have traded the 6th Fleet to Iran for an autographed picture of the Ayatollah Khomeini."

"That's good, Bobby. Play hardball so no one can impugn your integrity."

"Okay ... Mommy, Mommy, I called Georgie another Spiro Agnew and he said I was part of the problem."

"Why would he say that?"

"Because I also told him all he ever did for Reagan was grovel in the mud in the Rose Garden."

"You had every right to say it. It's an open secret."

"I know what I'm going to do, Mommy. When Georgie walks by the house I'm going to accuse him of negative campaigning."

"That's nice. Have a cookie."

"Mommy, Mommy, I told Georgie he was engaging in negative campaigning, and he said he only started doing it after I called him a wimp."

"He hates being called a wimp. All wimps do."

"Can I say Georgie doesn't know anything about anything because he's not a leader and all he has done for seven years is sit on the bench waiting for his number to be called?"

"Of course you can say it, Bobby. You can also call him a twit if you want to."

"I'm going to say Georgie doesn't understand the small-town ways of New Hampshire because he's an urban dweller and only knows people who go to French restaurants to eat quiche."

"Heh, heh, you can also say George thinks quiche is soul food."

"Mommy, Mommy, George said I hurt Gerry Ford in his election in '76 because I was the bad guy."

"Don't let it bother you, son. George just said that because you have a faster tongue than he does. You go back out there and tell him he is not only a wimp and a twit, but a toady as well."

"Mommy, Georgie now wants me to apologize for calling him a toady."

"Don't do it. Once you apologize you'll wind up taking the high road. You can't afford to let Bush have the low road all to himself."

"I hate George Bush -- I hate him."

"Of course you hate him, but that doesn't mean you can ignore his attacks."

"What can I call him now?"

"How about saying he's the 'father of his country'?"

"That's not mean."

"If you say it, Bobby,everyone will think it is."