THE DOCTOR'S OUT this week -- but let's rummage around in her bag and see what's what. Let's see (shuffle, shuffle) -- it's hard to read her writing, but it says here that Heart kicks off the rock week Friday at the Patriot Center, singing several centuries of hits, including "Magic Man," which came out before there were CDs! If the thought of Heart's gracious Wilson sisters in full leather-and-lace regalia gets your pulse pounding, you're sure to love the opening act, the even rowdier London Quireboys ($22.50; 432-0200).
EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER -- That's the name of Romanovsky & Phillips latest album, and this witty, San Fancisco-based cabaret duo really puts the "happy" connotation back in the word gay. Their Lisner show will benefit Food & Friends, an area AIDS services organization ($8-$18; tickets at Lambda Rising and Lammasbookstores, Takoma Trader, Splash and Food & Friends, 400 I St. SW; 488-8278).
PIPING HOT -- Timothy Britton performs virtuosically on the uillean pipes, an ancient bagpipe-like instrument that's been showing up on new albums by the likes of Kate Bush and U2. You might also catch him tootling on the wooden flute and penny whistle or beating on the bodhran, while Carol Ann Hunner sings and plays guitar, beautifully, at Washington Ethical Society ($6; 281-2228).
HOMETOWN BOY -- Catch up with Washington boy-next-door rocker Tommy Keene -- there's been radio silence since last year's underrated Geffen album; Keene is said to be shopping for a label with his new material. With the Cavedogs at the 9:30 club ($9; 432-0200 or 393-0930).
BELLE -- Soul/jazz diva Regina Belle can sing "Stay With Me" till the cows come home, but that's not gonna stop Wolf Trap from shutting the barn doors after her show -- Belle's concert is the last show of the Filene Center season. Belle's a mighty convincing singer, though -- maybe they'll let you stay just a little longer. Opening is ubiquitous saxophonist Najee, whose style is as distinctive as a human voice -- but a little goes a long way, if you know what I mean ($13-$20; 432-0200 or 255-1860.)
SALSATURDAY -- Here's the warm up for Adams-Morgan Day: Get your hips churning and your lips burning at the Central American Concert and Fiesta at Calvary United Methodist Church, 1459 Columbia Rd. NW. Five bands, including the Salvadoran band Izalco, nueva cancio'n performers Makeka and Miguel Calderon; South American ensembles Los Primos de Paraguay and Los Cuatro de Cordoba; and bluegrass by Terra Nova (how'd they get in there?). And lots of spicy food ($10; 332-1082).
FIDDLING ABOUT -- You gotta love the name of this one: Howard Bass & The Mighty Possums set to stirring up some danceable fiddle music at a dance at 7:30 at Glen Echo Park ($6; 281-2228).
HEY, DJ! -- Everyone knows the real rulers of the club music scene aren't the musicians, but the DJs, many of whom are bypassing the middlemen and making the hit records themselves. Near the top of the heap is Adamski, Manchester, England's primo disco deconstructionist, who will cut up at the turntables, playing his loopy U.K. dance chart-toppers "Killer" and "N-R-G," and more at the 9:30 club ($5; 432-0200).
RIVER DEEP? -- Environmentally committed movie star River Phoenix brings his band Aleka's Attic to the Bayou to benefit "Save America's Forests." Here's your chance to see if this band, which plays smart-rock and features River's sister Rain, really has anything upstairs. Also rock-folkers Bill Oliver and Glen Waldeck who will sing "Woodpecker Rebellion" and "Killa Godzilla," the latter about a guy who chains himself to a bulldozer to stop a clear-cut ($5; 333-2897).
ORIGINAL CATWOMAN -- Ever-over-the-top chanteuse Eartha Kitt performs in Lifesongs 1990, to benefit the Health Education Resource Organization and its efforts against AIDS at Baltimore's Meyerhoff Symphony Hall. Also George Burns, impersonator Jimmy James (famous for his drop-dead Marilyn Monroe) and the adorable Doc Scantlin and His Imperial Palms Orchestra ($25-$100; 301/337-7930).
SCHUUR THING -- Oh, how we sighed when we heard that Bobby Short couldn't make it to Anton's 1201 Club this week. But we perked up when we heard his replacement was the equally personable, creamy-voiced Diane Schuur ($28.50; 783-1201).
AND LASTLY THE CABOOSE -- The New Potato Caboose shuffles amiably along roughly the same musical track as the Grateful Dead. So if you're in the mood for spinning around and around with your eyes closed, head for the Bayou (with Roger Winter's happy reggae Laughing Man, $8.50; 333-2897).