Many people ask how a person can review television show after television show and still retain his sandradee ... his Zuiderzee ... his Santyclaus ... his Franistan ... his Tartikoff ... his -- WELL IT ISN'T EASY.

If it weren't for the generous assortments of jams and jellies and cashier's checks sent in by grateful readers, it would be impossible.

Elsewise one's mind would begin to wander 'midst distant fields of verdant green and dappled sunlit meadows kissed with morning dew and so on and so forth. Instead of concentrating on the likes of "Married People," the new ABC comedy

previewing at 9:30 tonight on Channel 7.

Now here's the deal (and no fair skipping ahead to the end): Three couples of varying generations live on the three floors of a Harlem brownstone. The house is owned by an elderly black couple, Olivia and Nick, played by Barbara Montgomery and Ray Aranha. "White folks are movin' in -- that's always a bad sign," Olivia says.

The new arrivals are Cindy and Allen (Megan Gallivan and Chris Young), a pair of giggly, googly teenage newlyweds from Indiana who cuddle and coo, and bill and coo, and at some point in the proceedings even coo and coo, and then have a spat and then make up. Nick says, "I don't know, Olivia -- that's the whitest boy I've ever seen!"

Isn't it just a tad racist to make this pair so racial?

On the second floor live aging yuppies Elizabeth and Russell, played by sitcom vet Bess Armstrong and disc jockey Jay Thomas. Russ plays Neil Young's "Heart of Gold" on the old Victrola, and the needle gets stuck on "and I'm gettin' old."

Russell should buy a CD player. They don't get stuck.

Elizabeth discovers in the second act of the episode that she's pregnant. This is odd. A little premature. Usually, producers bring in a pregnancy or a marriage to save a show that's been on for a while and is dying. Wait -- on second thought, it does make sense after all.

And so it goes -- they haggle, they wrangle, they wash, they dry, they bicker, they pucker, they mop, they glow, their lives inextricably intertwined in a vast tapestry of love and laughter. And then a big monster comes and eats them all up. Really. Honest. No foolin'. My word on it as an Iraqi president.

And I'm gettin' old ... And I'm gettin' old ... And I'm gettin' old... .