They handed out medals on the shoulder of the Capital Beltway to lobbyists who had shown bravery and coolness under fire during the "Battle of the Budget."
It was a moving moment for the PAC soldiers, who stood at attention with their checks in their hands as they presented arms.
Commended for bravery was Durban Dumbarton, chief lobbyist for the Golden Parachute Brigade. His citation read: "Durban Dumbarton, by use of skillful maneuvers you single-handedly managed to stop any attempts to tax golden parachutes. In an effort to prevent the bill from getting out of committee, you threw your body on a surcharge amendment, thus saving the retirement incomes of thousands of high-priced executives, including everyone in the Fortune 500. Your president is proud of you."
The second was Sam Trubrinin.
"Sam Trubrinin, during a night patrol in the Senate halls, you spotted a resolution urging a sin tax on fast food, which you represent. You tossed three grenades of PAC money at the chairman of the committee. The chairman cried, 'I surrender,' and retreated while you captured a majority of fast food votes on the House floor."
"Suzie Total, as a registered lobbyist for chewing tobacco and baseball playing cards, you have demonstrated that when it comes to fighting the regulations in the Senate, you are capable of anything. By threatening to go into a senator's state and call him a closet heterosexual, you managed to get the Senate to pass a subsidy on chewing tobacco at a time when Congress was intent on reducing the budget by $500 billion. Not only did you risk your life for chewing tobacco, but you sacrificed everything to get a government subsidy on baseball cards. You are indeed a credit to your sex."
"Fred Dimbleby, on Oct. 9, 1990, you were asked by the cellulite industry to reconnoiter the White House and find out if the president felt as strongly against taxing cellulite now as he did when he was vice president. You risked your life by climbing over the fence and crawling through the Rose Garden into the president's office. You found him in his jogging suit, driving his golf cart over to the couch to talk with John Sununu. Despite a fierce battle between you and Sununu, you were able to ask the president how he felt about taxing cellulite. The president told you, 'I have never taxed anything in my life and I'm not going to start now.' You then escaped under heavy fire and brought this important intelligence back to all the lobbyists who were dug into the trenches surrounding the Capitol parking lot."
"Theo Fremont, we honor you today with this special citation for changing the hearts and minds of 60 Republicans and 59 Democrats, just before the budget vote. You courageously bought $1,000-a-plate dinners for 3,000 political fund-raisers, which provided key lawmakers with enough money to get reelected for another term. Mr. Fremont, you were the point man for the anti-budget budgeteers, and the person responsible for sending our legislators back to the drawing board.
"For delivering a defeat to those who would bring dishonor on this country, we present to you today this gold medal with a likeness of President Bush's lips on it, which are saying, 'Our country, right or wrong, as long as we don't have to pay for it.' "