How delinquent can a typist get? It has been too many moons since I offered up a fresh collection of Perfect Fit Last Names (PFLNs), those handles that describe the owner's job in a particularly laugh-inducing way.
Here's the latest batch:
Lawrence Fan is sports information director at San Jose State University, reports Brother Hilary Mettes, of Arlington.
While doing some genealogical research recently, Charles A. Blackburn, of Columbia, came across an undertaker who did business in Philadelphia in 1938. He was Delmer J. Colflesh.
The savings and loan mess produced a great PFLN down in Dallas. James M. Fail is the new chairman of Bluebonnet Savings Bank, which was created from the remains of several dead S&Ls.
A new book on the stands is called "Life and Death of the Salt Marsh." The authors are John and Mildred Teal. The illustrator is Richard G. Fish.
The Jewish Community Center in Rockville put together a cookbook last spring. It was a compilation of favorite family recipes. The woman who spearheaded the collection was Sandi Gritz. (Thanks, Kurt A. Baer, of Rockville.)
Lisa Paddock, of Camp Springs, filed a great one. She says the new associate director for science and technology at the National Cattlemen's Association in Denver is Gary Cowman.
Equally great is the name of the director of food and beverages at the Ramada Renaissance Hotel-Dulles Airport. He's T. Michael Staples. (Much obliged, Adele and Sidney Shapiro, of McLean.)
For our next one, we turn to Sybil Descheemaeker, of Arlington. She works in the Division of Birds, Department of Vertebrate Zoology, National Museum of Natural History. One of her co-workers is Carla Dove.
How could I have missed the Springfield real estate firm of Byers and Cellars? Thanks to Gwynne B. Bailey, of Burke, I no longer will.
Baseball is always a treasure-trove of PFLNs, and Peyton Coyner, of Afton, Va., proved it once more. Last May, a third baseman for the New York Yankees committed four errors in one game. His name is Mike Blowers.
Sarah Bass was understandably surprised when she noticed the name of the 1988-89 president of the Central Maryland Chapter of the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation: Martin S. Sugar.
Yes, dear friends, there is a group hereabouts called the National Coalition of IRS Whistleblowers. But Theresa Crowley, of Greenbelt, really started blowing the whistle when she spotted the name of the group's PR woman: Lisa Lashaway.
Another Crowleyism: Lt. Col. David Tanks is a political-military analyst for the Arms Control and Disarmament Agency.
Next, a daughter turns in her PFLN mother. The daughter is Sharon Gustin of Catonsville, Md. Her mother is Marion Grammer of Oneonta, N.Y. Any guesses what Marion did before she retired? Yup. She was a high school English teacher.
Audrey Koch, of Rockville, nominates her Fuller Brush woman: Madeline Proffitt. Richard S. Nisenson, of Rockville, nominates his sister, Sandy Needle, who's a nurse in Southfield, Mich. B.J. Appelgren, of Charles Town, W.Va., nominates the pest inspector who recently "did" his house, Chuck Roach. And Yvonne Hinkle, of Springfield, nominates her nephew, Gene Flagg, who was born on (when else?) the Fourth of July.
An anonymous informant passes along the name of a programmer in the General Purpose Computer Support Directorate at Fort Belvoir. He's Fred Hacker. Another anonymous informant wants the world to know that a PR operative for Bantam Books is named Julia Yawn.
Evelyn Aker, of Bowie, used to teach at a school in Florida where the librarian was named Alice Story. Meanwhile, Wanda I. Zembrowski, also of Bowie, has a friend in Annapolis named David Grimm. David's a dentist.
Shelley Mullins, of Gaithersburg, noticed an ad recently for lactation education. The teacher was named Anna Utter.
Karl McElhaney couldn't help but think of me when he noticed the name of the director, Office of Rural Health Policy, Department of Health and Human Services. That gent is Jeffrey Human.
Ben Willis, of McLean, notes that Nancy Piety is assistant branch manager for a bank in Sarasota, Fla.
Angela F. Perry says her husband, Mark Perry, is clearly in the right business. You late-night TV fans will get it. Perry is a mason.
Finally for this time around, thanks to the dozens of you who submitted the name of that 640-pound Baltimore man who sued the city government, seeking minority status for preferential business treatment. His name?
Donald E. Keister.
Got a goodie? No fair keeping it to yourself. Please mail it to PFLNs, c/o Bob Levey, The Washington Post, Washington, D.C. 20071.