Things are slowing down. A good depression can have that effect on ir,3.9p your life. It's not that bad, though. You find yourself watching ir,4.9p prehistoric reruns on TV; they seem pretty funny. You wash your hair less often; it looks okay that way. You get around to reading the Joseph Campbell book somebody gave you last Christmas. You give up Spy; the type and sentiment are just too small.

You become better friends with your mechanic. Catfish tastes better than salmon. You're sick of Donald Trump. Biodegradability becomes fascinating. Black-tie stuff is a bore. You give up croissants -- too airy -- and return finally to pita. You wonder where to get a good egg cream.

Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals seem too loud, too active. You consider buying the video set of Ken Burns's "The Civil War" even though you've just seen it twice. You find yourself eagerly anticipating Mel Gibson as "Hamlet." And Penny Marshall's new movie "Awakenings" -- about people who can't move their bodies -- looks like it's going to be exciting.

Brace yourselves.

INNOCENCE........................IRONY

THE EARTH........................REAL ESTATE

DOUGHNUTS AND CHERRY PIE.........MARTHA STEWART

RESIGNING BY FAX.................SHOPPING BY MAIL

TERM LIMITS......................INCUMBENTS

THE NEW PARADIGM.................MILLIE

PETS.............................FUR

PRAGUE...........................PARIS

BARRY MANILOW....................MADONNA

VIRTUAL REALITY..................FUZZY LOGIC

UMA THURMAN......................RULA LENSKA

INNINGS..........................OUTINGS

THREE-GUARD ROTATION.............TWIN TOWERS

SHOCK THERAPY....................PROZACPROZAC...........................CHAMPAGNE

BOB..............................LELAND PALMER

KUWAIT...........................IRAQ

FAT SUBSTITUTES..................ROSEANNE BARR

TURF TOE.........................PULLED GROIN

JOSEPH CAMPBELL..................TOM PETERS

THOMAS KUHN......................FRANCIS FUKUYAMA

"GREEN ACRES"...................."THE JESSE JACKSON SHOW"

"GOODFELLAS"....................."GODFATHERS"

GRANTA...........................SPY

RU 486..........................."ARE YOU SINGLE?"

TURBO GRAFX16...................NINTENDO

DE NIRO, PACINO & CONNERY........BEATTY, NICHOLSON & REDFORD

OLIVER SACHS.....................OLIVER STONE

LADY SLIM KEITH..................ULTRA SLIM FAST

PEGGY LIPTON.....................SUSAN DEY

LIP-SYNCING......................LIP INJECTIONS

SHAVING..........................EPILADY

AGING............................LIFTING

DIRTY HAIR.......................FIVE O'CLOCK SHADOW

KEENEN IVORY WAYANS..............ANDREW DICE CLAY

CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME.........CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME

SHAKESPEARE......................ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER

THE CIVIL WAR....................THE COLD WAR

MAMMOGRAMS.......................MONOGRAMS

PENNY MARSHALL...................BERNARDO BERTOLUCCI

JULIA ROBERTS....................KIEFER SUTHERLAND

ALEC BALDWIN.....................KIM BASINGER

PETE SAMPRAS.....................ANDRE AGASSI

STEVE LAWRENCE AND EYDIE GORME...TED TURNER AND JANE FONDA

CAT SUITS........................CHANEL SUITS

TITIAN...........................MATISSE

NEW WORLD ORDER..................NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK

GEORGE FOREMAN...................BUSTER DOUGLAS

DAVID SOUTER.....................LAURENCE TRIBE

CAUSES...........................FUND-RAISERS