I have received many queries about whether I would print my Super Bowl Quick Loss Diet this year. As you recall, in 1990 I lost four pounds in January, gained seven pounds in February, maintained the same weight as Tommy Lasorda in March, had a slight setback by putting on eight pounds in April and lost 11 pounds and my will to live in May and June.
The rest of the year was devoted to serious dieting on odd days and serious eating on even days. It balanced out to a net gain of 14 pounds, which was two pounds less than Teddy Kennedy managed to put on in 1989.
What are the secrets of my Super Bowl Quick Loss Diet, and why do so many people follow it?
Scientists now know from studying rats that most weight gains take place in front of television sets during sports events. A rat watching an exciting football game will consume twice as many wheat kernels as one watching George Bush coming back from Camp David.
Therefore, the trick is not to look at the Super Bowl in the kitchen. No one can be expected to watch a goal-line drive without consuming two large bowls of potato chips.
In my diet I permit only rats to have food at half time. The combination of watching football with no food has caused most rats to lose two to three pounds in one afternoon.
One of the reasons it is so difficult to get started on a Super Bowl Quick Loss Diet is that there are so many leftovers from the holidays that have to be consumed.
In my house, for example, there is still a 10-pound can of chocolate-covered popcorn, a three-pound box of See's chocolates, buttered shortbread, homemade brownies and glazed fruit and stuffed dates from California. Happily, they are all permissible on my diet, providing you don't put any salt on them. It is essential to use up all leftovers in January, so you won't be tempted to eat them the rest of the year.
Exercise is vital to my diet plan. Jumping up and down in your chair while watching a team score is the best kind of exercise anyone can do. In diet terms we call it toning the body while watching the big one. Walking is as good as running, so if you walk at a fast pace from the living room to the kitchen to bring in the cheese dip you will get as much exercise as someone who runs a marathon.
Changing chairs at half time is also a good way to keep that tummy in shape.
The most important thing about the Super Bowl Quick Loss Diet is that you must accept failure. You can't expect to win at every TV commercial. Sometimes when things are not going well, you're going to reach for the salted peanuts or shove a fistful of pretzels in your mouth. It doesn't mean you have no willpower. And even if it does, the Super Bowl Quick Loss Diet always forgives. It wants you to get off the floor and start over again.
I was on "Oprah Winfrey" not long ago, and people in the audience kept asking me how I had lost so much weight. I told them the truth: "By eating only one Super Bowl meal a day."