Yes, it's true.
Twinkies are marvels of science, just as you suspected.
They aren't flammable (unless soaked in rubbing alcohol), they don't fall completely apart when tossed from a sixth-story window, and even 110 volts of electricity doesn't faze them.
Scientists have proved it.
And now, through the marvels of cyber-technology, a lowly Twinkie junkie like yourself can actually see how it was done.
Just pop a Twinkie in your mouth and get on the Internet. Tune in to the World Wide Web and you'll find the amazing T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project, which stands for Test With Inorganic Noxious Kakes in Extreme Situations.
The Web site is the creation of two science majors at Rice University in Houston -- Chris Gouge and Todd Stadler.
"We set it up during finals," said Stadler in a phone interview, "because we didn't want to study or anything."
Following the strictest of laboratory procedures, the two young scientists conducted seven experiments on their unsuspecting subjects -- Twinkies.
Of course, there was a control Twinkie for each experiment, which sat on a shelf untouched throughout the different procedures.
For the Rapid Oxidation Test, the scientists set the snack cake on fire. Well, they tried. It didn't respond to direct flame from a cigarette lighter. Undaunted, the researchers doused the Twinkie in rubbing alcohol and kaboom! (Do not try this at home!)
Their findings: "The entire Twinkie began to turn black. Creamy filling began to ooze out the side of the Twinkie . . . leaving a charred mess."
It was also noted that "the control Twinkie did not change."
The Gravitational Response Test required the daring duo to toss an innocent Twinkie from the sixth floor of their dorm. The experiment was repeated twice and the scientists wrote: "It should be noted that there was a high wind during the test."
Their findings: "As soon as the Twinkie was released it began to fall. It fell until it hit the ground. Upon impact there was a loud splut' sound."
The first toss yielded a "fissure" on the side of the Twinkie and the second toss widened the crack.
The scientific conclusion: "Twinkies are affected by gravity."
Like all good scientists, Gouge and Stadler have found practical applications for their findings. "If one needed to jump off the sixth floor . . . and land safely, one could either pad the ground, or one's self, with Twinkies," they wrote.
The Web page comes complete with step-by-step photos of the experiments, taken by Stadler for historic accuracy.
"It's not every day you drop Twinkies from a building," he said.
Oh, the wonders of science!
Probably the most ambitious experiment that Stadler and Gouge attempted was the Turing Test. Turing is the procedure used to determine artificial intelligence in computers. In other words, the Rice students tested the intelligence of a Twinkie.
For this test the scientists placed a human and a Twinkie behind a curtain and asked each of them questions.
Only the human answered.
Their conclusion: "Twinkies are not sentient in any way we can understand."
So what do the folks who manufacture Twinkies think about the groundbreaking findings?
Mark Dirkes, senior vice president of Interstate Brands, the parent company of Hostess, said he hadn't heard of the Twinkie experiments, but chuckled when they were explained to him.
"Twinkies are an American icon," he said. "I'd like to think we have a sense of humor, because Twinkies . . . are about having fun."
Stadler and Gouge said the Web page has attracted lots of attention from cyberspace explorers, who send e-mail suggesting more experiments and even Twinkie recipes.
And, to the students' surprise, a bit of fame has come their way as well. "Yeah, I had a blind date who recognized me from the Web page," said Gouge, who reported that the date went fine anyway.
Finally, Stadler said, the loftiness of their endeavor stirred his creative muse. Moved by his experiences, the young scientist wrote some haiku about the humble Twinkie:
Moist golden sponge cake Creamy white filling of joy Boy, I love Twinkies To access the T.W.I.N.K.I.E. Project site on the World Wide Web: http://www.rice.edu/ gouge/ twinkies.html