Baltimore Orioles: Bat .000

The National Rifle Association: Hatin' Life

Vice President Albert Gore: Resident Bore

Prince Charles Windsor of Britain: Ears, No Brain

This Week's Contest occurred to us when we were leafing through our latest issue of the Economist. When we briefly dozed off, it fell to the floor right onto a copy of Mad magazine, where we latched onto this: Mad has a feature in which it extracts messages hidden in people's names. That is the contest: Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around: The hidden message must be found by pulling out letters and using them in the same order they appear in the original name. You may take some small liberties in the way you choose to express the original name, as in the Prince Charles example above. First-prize winner gets a genuine, limited-edition 1991 bottle of Elvis cologne, which is worth $50.

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 329, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via e-mail to this address: E-mail users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, July 12. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Notice No One Notices was written by Mike Long of Burke. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 326,

in which we challenged you to take a panel from that day's comics and alter the wording. Many fine entries were unprintable. In this category, a special blind T-shirt goes out to T.J. Murphy of Arlington for an entry involving "The Family Circus" that we would have published had we not been just a little concerned for our mortal soul. Also, we would like to point out, for what it is worth, that many men seem rather . . . aroused by both Blondie and Cookie Bumstead.

Third Runner-Up --

(Dudley E. Thompson Jr., Raleigh, N.C.)

See, Jimmy? Send a few bunnies out there & you can quickly clear a field of land mines.

Second Runner-Up --

(Ron Stanley, Arlington)

I wish you would stay home so we could discuss how our

relationship is evolving.

I respect what you are saying, but I feel I need more freedom to achieve my personal goals.

First Runner-Up --

(Charlie McNamara, Chevy Chase)

Face facts, Dad. We never would have reached civilization if we hadn't eaten Mom and the twins.

And the winner of the vintage 1970s-era Bernhard Goetz political T-shirt:

(David Genser, Arlington)

You're not using that testosterone hormone that Mark McGwire uses, are you, Charlie Brown?

I'm Lucy.

Honorable Mentions:

(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

God wants you, Jeffy. Close your eyes and run across the street!

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Mom is the real killer! O.J. was right!

(Ron Stanley, Arlington)

So, before The Great Mutation, humans were larger than us and intelligent?

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)


(Drew Knoblauch, Reston)

So you see, sweetie, when a boy goes swimming in cold water ...

Rookie of the Week:

(Jim Cochrane, Falls Church)

Well, finally! Jon gets a woman in the sack.

Next Week: Ask Backwards