Hit the BALL, Jack

Beanie, a Shih Tzu belonging to Jack Nicholson's 7-year-old son, has had an unfortunate run-in with the actor's golf club. The New York Daily News reported yesterday that Nicholson was hitting some balls into a canyon from the lawn of his Los Angeles home when the pooch got in the way of his backswing and ended up flying into the bushes. "My God, I've killed my son's dog," Nicholson cried out. Luckily, the dog survived, with the help of 57 stitches.

Nicholson made the headlines in 1994 for taking his golf club to another motorist's car during a scuffle at a traffic light. The actor's spokesman wouldn't comment on the new report, but Lisa Lange, a spokeswoman for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, said, "If it truly was an accident, then he must feel wretched for hurting the dog."

Wedding? What Wedding?

Rolling Stones rocker Mick Jagger and Texan model Jerry Hall were never really married, the couple's lawyers announced yesterday. After 20-plus years of coupledom and four children, Jagger and Hall are separating and obtaining an annulment, heading off a possibly nasty divorce trial by agreeing that their 1990 wedding in Bali was not legal under British law.

Jagger, 55, and Hall had been scheduled to start divorce proceedings in London yesterday but instead reached an undisclosed financial settlement. Hall, 43, filed for divorce in January over Jagger's alleged adultery with a Brazilian model who later gave birth to a child. Hall is reportedly seeking up to $50 million of the singer's $240 million fortune, as well as the couple's London home.

Heston in the Cross Hairs

Bad timing? Just when British politicians are consumed with the issue of disarmament (by the Irish Republican Army), America's "Mr. Gun," Charlton Heston, is taking a turn on the London stage. The 75-year-old actor and his 75-year-old wife, Lydia, have just opened at the Theatre Royal, Haymarket, in the hardy perennial "Love Letters."

Initial reviews have been unkind. The play is "preposterous guff" and the performances "torpid," the Independent said. The Daily Telegraph brushed off Charlton as "self-adoring" but liked Lydia. "If anyone deserves a medal," the paper said, "it is Lydia, not Charlton Heston. How on earth does she put up with him?"

Dirty Dancing at Disney

Naughty, naughty. It looks like Disney World will administer a few flicks of the mouse tail to some employees who got a little too dirty while dancing for hundreds of nightclub patrons during last month's Gay Days at the Orlando attraction.

A video surreptitiously filmed by the Christian Action Network shows a lot of bare-chested men grooving on the crowded dance floor of an over-21 nightclub, while Disney dancers onstage performed some sexually suggestive routines. The conservative religious group wants Disney World to warn families about the annual Gay Days event, which is not sponsored by Disney.

The company won't do that, but a Disney spokesman acknowledged that some routines were "inappropriate" and said the dancers would be disciplined.

End Notes

The "Austin Powers" sequel is too racy for Malaysia's censors. The country's National Film Censorship Board this week banned "The Spy Who Shagged Me," saying it has too much sexual innuendo . . . TV talk show host Oprah Winfrey will publish a new monthly women's magazine, set to debut in March. Hearst Magazines is her partner in the venture . . . Rock-and-roll bad girl Courtney Love played good Samaritan on Thursday and helped three car-accident victims on a western Canada highway. Love, who was headed to Calgary to appear in an alternative rock festival, brought the victims onto her tour bus and offered them first aid and warm tea.

CAPTION: Jack Nicholson, hitting it off badly with another dog in the 1997 movie "As Good as It Gets."