The question I seem to be asked the most is, "What are you going to do on New Year's to bring in the year 2000?" People are already making their plans. Delicatessens are selling their tables for $1,000, which doesn't include cream soda. Nightclubs and bars with live TV piped in from Times Square are taking reservations for 5,000 bucks.

Barbra Streisand is going to sing in Las Vegas for a king's ransom. Heaven knows where Luciano Pavarotti is going to appear.

Everybody I know claims they are going to do something.

Mr. and Mrs. Fairbanks told me they were going to go "trick-or-treating." They said anyone who doesn't give them candy will have a curse put on them for the next hundred years.

Lolly Storm said she was going to play for the U.S. women's soccer team.

"Have you ever played soccer?" I asked her.

"No, but if they turn me down I'll sue them because I'm a woman."

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. My daughter wants me to baby-sit for my grandchildren, which, of course, is an opportunity I certainly hate to miss.

The Factors announced they were going to a movie. They pointed out that with the mess Medicare is in, this is the last millennium any of us might see.

Alan Greenspan is keeping his eye on the price of champagne for the celebration. If it goes up, he will raise interest rates. If he does this, it will send all of the Wall Streeters back to their offices to make adjustments in the market, which they will be unable to do because all the computers will be down.

Tucker Robinson said he is going to take a shower and a sleeping pill and forget about the millennium. He said, "I'd rather have a good night's sleep."

Dr. John Yashar said, "This is the way I feel. If you've seen one millennium, you've seen them all."

There is going to be quite a buildup to New Year's. It will be the major topic of conversation. If you can't afford to go anywhere, there is no reason you can't lie about it and say you're going to see Barbra Streisand in Las Vegas. Fibbing is what the year 2000 is all about.

(C)1999, Los Angeles Times Syndicate