Brad Johnson's Movie Guide

* Now that training camp has commenced, new Redskins quarterback Brad Johnson doesn't do much outside of football. But he and his wife, Nikki, still get to the movies. "I'm an easygoing guy and have a very simple life," he told us. "As far as movies go, I don't need all the fireworks. I don't need all the explosions. I just like a good story."

Johnson gave us his opinion of five current films, and The Source assigned them from one to four footballs based on his comments and his tone of voice. Here's what Brad said about "Deep Blue Sea": "That was bad. It got a little too fake at the end. I didn't believe the sharks or the plot." About "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me": "It was okay. It had some good, funny lines." On "Star Wars: Episode I--The Phantom Menace": "I liked the first 'Star Wars' movie better." "Notting Hill"? "I liked that one. I had no problem with Julia Roberts giving up her career and falling in love. I saw it with my wife." And "Big Daddy": "That was good. It had a good story. And I like Adam Sandler a lot."

Revolutionary War? What Revolutionary War?

Vice President Gore and George W. Bush aren't yet and may never be the nominees of their respective parties. But Burke's Peerage, the arbiter of British aristocracy, has taken it upon itself to design presidential coats of arms for Democrat Gore (with the Latin motto "The second will be first") and the Republican Texas governor ("The prodigal son will shine").

Actually, Gore's coat of arms is pretty much just for fun, says Burke's publishing director, Harold Brooks-Baker. "One of the things we've always gone by in our predictions is royal blood, and Bush has more royal blood than any of the other possible candidates, including Bill Bradley and Gore," Brooks-Baker told us from London. "He is connected to more royal heads of state than His Serene Highness Prince Hans-Adam of Liechtenstein. You can be certain--unless this pattern changes drama- tically--that the next president will be Bush."

We'll resist the temptation to say, "Shut up, you toffee-nosed git!" and give the last word to one of Bush's excluded rivals, GOP Sen. John McCain of Arizona: "I think Mr. Brooks-Baker is making a contribution to the illumination of those voters who concern themselves with this kind of thing."

Where the Rubbermaid Meets the Road

* We've heard of "living out of a suitcase." But Teri Hatcher and her 1 1/2-year-old daughter, Emerson Rose, have been living out of a plastic box as they tour the country with "Cabaret."

"It's a big Rubbermaid trunk. Looks like a giant ice cooler," said Hatcher, who opens Wednesday as Sally Bowles at the Warner Theatre. "I keep most of my heavy stuff--books, shoes, candles and Emerson's toys--in it, along with nine other suitcases. Actually, I am a light traveler. But I feel obligated to make each city as familiar to Emerson as possible. So I bring all of her toys and pictures, and hang them on the walls."

Hatcher--whom we remember from ABC's "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman"--longs for the New York home she shares with her husband, actor Jon Tenney. And yet. "On the one hand, it's the most satisfying professional experience you've ever had, and you hate to give up this incredibly rich character. But on the other hand, you couldn't do it one more day than your contract requires. It's been a pretty intense journey."

THIS JUST IN . . .

* Longmont, Colo., father of 12 Zach Prendergast has been forced to return the 1999 Parent of the Year Award after allegations about links to a religious cult notorious for child abuse and prostitution, the Associated Press reports.

* Oy vey! Not only is Hillary Rodham Clinton a "New Yorker," but her maternal grandmother married a Jewish man after divorcing Hillary's grandfather. The Forward newspaper describes the late Della Rosenberg as "the feisty wife of a Yiddish-speaking" Russian immigrant.

* Our colleague Tom Shales is collaborating with screenwriter Jim Miller on what Shales describes as an "impressionistic history" of "Saturday Night Live" for Little, Brown.