The adage that anyone can be president is now being pursued with a vengeance.

Out of nowhere we have the following Americans who are earnest about getting into the race: Jesse Ventura, champion wrestler and governor of Minnesota; Pat Buchanan, who has given us new insight on Adolf Hitler; and Donald Trump, who believes he could do to America what he has done with Atlantic City.

While all of the candidates are conservatives, their entrance in the race is wreaking havoc in the Republican Party. The GOP fears that if any of the candidates runs with the Reform Party, he will take away Republican voters and might even cost the GOP the election.

Party officials were asked to visit the upstart pretenders.

First they went to see Ventura. "Jesse, don't leave the party."

"Get out of my office, or I'll throw you out the window."

"We want you to stay with us, Jesse. If you don't win the election, we'll make you a war crimes judge."

"I'm going run on my own party. I'm too smart to be a Republican."

The next contender called on was Buchanan.

One of the leaders said, "Pat, any new stuff on World War II we haven't heard of?"

"We should have let Hitler fight Stalin instead of us getting into it. We could have avoided World War II, and we'd all be buying Mercedes-Benzes at half-price."

"That's something no one has thought of. Pat, please don't pull out of the GOP. We need minds like yours to lead our country."

"I'm not sure I want to remain a Republican. If I run on the Reform ticket, everyone wants me on television. I'm not worth much as an old Republican."

"Sieg heil, Pat."

"Same here."

The committee finally caught up with Trump.

"Please don't destroy our party. Trent Lott said that ever since you started talking about running, no one wants to interview George W. Bush."

"I am the only one who can save the country. The people need a Trump America."

"That's true, Donald, but you're so alluring and desirable that you could take 23 percent of the Republican vote. Please, Donald, don't jump the party."

"All I have is my good name. It is not for sale to Bush, McCain or the Grand Canyon. If I stay with the party, and I'm not saying I will, I would like the state of New Jersey renamed after me."

"It's a done deal."