Dear Ann:

My husband (age 68) got all excited when he read about that Viagra pill. He has been dead as a doornail for five years. His doctor said it would be okay for him to take the pill, but not to expect miracles. Well, so far, nothing has changed regarding his "condition," but he is wearing me out trying to prove that he is a frisky young colt again.

Please tell those smart-aleck scientists and those big drug companies to work on a cure for cancer instead, and quit ruining the lives of millions of women who have earned a rest. Thank you.

-- No Name in Abilene, Kan.

You told 'em, but don't be surprised if nobody listens. While you may not be thrilled with your husband's renewed interest in sex, let me assure you that a great many women are grateful for Viagra, and have written to say so.

Dear Ann:

This is my first letter to you, although I've composed hundreds in my head. What prompts me to write is the letter from the woman who complained because an obese person took up extra space on the airplane. I hope you haven't closed the door on that subject, Ann.

I know the pain of being the largest person in the room, or on the bus, or on the plane. The agony of trying to lose weight, regaining it, taking heart-racing diet pills, and so on, pales next to the shameful feeling of asking for a seat-belt extender, knowing everyone around you can hear. Or having your chair creak when you sit down, and wondering if it will support your weight. I no longer trust folding chairs or aluminum outdoor furniture, since both have collapsed under me. I always say "I'd prefer to stand, thank you. I've been sitting all day."

The woman who complained should have had the decency to realize that the large person couldn't do anything about her plight at that moment. You were so right, Ann, when you said obese people feel uncomfortable, too. Also, we see the disgust in some people's eyes when they look at us, and it hurts.

Perhaps the real solution is for airplanes to remove the middle seat in a few of the rows so we could all be more comfortable. Meanwhile, Ann, I appreciate your sensitivity and generosity.

-- Size X in Middle America

Thank you on behalf of the readers for whom you spoke today. Their numbers are many. They need compassion, and you provided it. Bless you.

Dear Ann:

I received this in the mail. I don't know who sent it or who wrote it, but it struck me as something you might want to share with your readers.

-- H.D., Hutchinson, Kan.

You guessed right. I like it.

Here it is:

Important Things My Kids Taught Me

It's more fun to color outside the lines.

If you're gonna draw on the wall, do it behind the couch.

Ask why until you understand.

Save a place in line for your friends.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Making your bed is a waste of time.

If your dog doesn't like somebody, you probably shouldn't, either.

Toads aren't ugly. They're just toads.

Just keep banging until someone opens the door.

Don't pop someone else's bubble.

You shouldn't ask to start over just because you're losing the game.

Chasing the cat is more fun than catching it.

To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com

(C) 1999, Creators Syndicate Inc.