The word is out that because medical drug prices are so high, people are going to Mexico and Canada to have their prescriptions filled.

Customs officers have been alerted to stop anyone who looks as if he or she has a pill bottle under his shirt or in her bra.

Just the other day, Daniel Rozensweig made a trip to Tijuana to buy $20 worth of prescription drugs from a farmacia. He was caught at the border, and Customs agents displayed to the media the four Prozac pills that, they said, had a street value of $2.8 million in the United States.

Rozensweig admitted smuggling the pills in his hatband but said he bought the Prozac for himself and was not going to sell it on the street.

The Customs chief took him into his office, where he was surrounded by agents. "Okay, Rozensweig, tell us where you got the pills."

"If I tell you, they will kill me."

"Would you like to do 30 years?"

"For smuggling in four Prozacs?"

"Four Prozacs are worth a Brinks load of gold. We'll make a deal with you. We'll send you back to the Tijuana farmacia and have you wired. You get the pharmacist to tell you who his Prozac supplier is, and then we will set up a sting operation."

Rozensweig had no choice, so he became a government witness, and they let him keep two of his four Prozac pills.

When he was taken away, two Customs officers dragged in an 88-year-old man. One officer said to his chief, "We found a vial of Viagra in the inner tube of his tire."

The old man said, "I had to do it. I could not afford the price of Viagra in Washington, and my girlfriend said she was breaking up with me."

"Did you know bringing Viagra from Mexico is illegal?"

"I checked it out with President Clinton, and he said it was legal as long as I swallowed it and didn't inhale."

The agent counted the pills. There were 40.

"You planning on an orgy?"

"No, I just want to have some for the millennium."

"How can the drug companies make any money if you cross the border to buy pills for one-tenth of what they cost in America?"

"How are we senior citizens going to afford Viagra if we have to buy it in the United States?"

"That's not our concern. Now, confess--who were you bringing in the Viagra for?"

"Okay. If you want to know, Bob Dole."

{copy} 1999, Los Angeles Times Syndicate