Dear Miss Manners:
I received an anniversary ring from my husband of 10 years. I am in somewhat of a quandary, however, as to what to do with my engagement ring and wedding band.
I wear an heirloom ring on my right hand, so that leaves only my left hand on which to distribute my engagement, wedding and anniversary rings. I would rather not wear all of these rings at once for fear that I may be inclined to start calling people "daahhling" and ordering them about.
Is it considered improper to wear my anniversary ring in lieu of my wedding band? The gentlemen for whom I work (both are attorneys) are appalled (go figure) that I would forsake the wedding band that had been blessed during my wedding ceremony. They also feel that an anniversary ring does not clearly earmark one as being married.
My husband, however, does not mind my wearing only the anniversary ring on my left hand. Please advise me in this matter.
It strikes Miss Manners that these gentlemen are far too interested in the extent to which you are committed to your marriage. If these lawyers assume that a lady wearing engagement and anniversary rings is either unmarried or rejecting the symbols and vows of her marriage, they are sadly deficient in the ability to assess circumstantial evidence.
You have, however, done something improper. A lady should not consult other gentlemen about matters that concern only herself and her husband.
Dear Miss Manners:
A lady and her escort are at a dance and have just walked off the dance floor and sat down. The escort, just after the music begins for the next dance, asks the lady, "Shall we dance?"
The lady replies, "Let's sit this one out."
Another person then comes up, and the lady says, "This gentleman asked me to dance," and pops up and takes to the dance floor with him. The escort later states that to say "Let's sit this one out" means just that to him.
The lady says she doesn't want to be rude to anyone, and how would he feel to be refused? But she refused to dance with her escort, didn't she?
Barring a fatal argument or footstep during your last dance, Miss Manners believes that the lady really was afraid that a refusal to someone who didn't know she had been sitting things out at her own request would look like a snub.
So she snubbed you instead, on the popular but groundless theory that people who you know well don't mind.
To avoid snubbing either of you, she could have told the other petitioner, "We're sitting this one out, but please do join us." She could then have danced the next dance with whichever of you was quicker on his feet, as it were.
Feeling incorrect? Address your etiquette questions (in black or blue-black ink on white writing paper) to Miss Manners, in care of this newspaper.