Holy moly! It's a new millennium. We're getting so old!

That's how suits at several of the broadcast networks are talking behind closed doors. Not about themselves, of course they've all been 39 for years. What they're talking about is their programming.

Especially at NBC -- the network that doesn't even mention anyone over 49 in its weekly ratings assessment. The median age of its viewers is now 45, which means NBC's getting pretty close to oblivion by its own accounting. Plus, the network's audience is about five years older than it was two years ago -- which means it's aging at more than twice the rate of the rest of us. Makes you think, doesn't it?

The reason for NBC's rapid aging is that this season's new dramas -- and all of those "Datelines" -- have viewer median ages over 45. Maybe it's time to whack some of those "Datelines."

Despite its best efforts to young-up its schedule, CBS is, in fact, skewing its oldest since at least 1993. This year's audience is actually older than last year's median age of 52. CBS has no shows that skew under 30 years -- but then, neither does ABC or NBC -- and 20 shows that skew 50-plus.

ABC is frozen in time, with the same median age as last season, as is Fox. WB is still the baby of the bunch, though it put on about two years versus last season.

But UPN is the big winner so far, having found the fountain of youth. UPN grew nearly six years younger this season versus last, thanks largely to "WWF Smackdown!," which appeals to the juvenile delinquent in many of us.

As a public service, The TV Column has provided a list of the viewer median ages for the broadcast networks' prime-time series. Check your faves and see if it's time for you to grow up.

Program: Popular

Network: WB

Median Age: 22.0

Program: Mission Hill

Network: WB

Median Age: 22.4

Program: Dawson's Creek

Network: WB

Median Age: 22.9

Program: WWF Smackdown!

Network: UPN

Median Age: 23.2

Program: Moesha

Network: UPN

Median Age: 24.9

Program: The Parkers

Network: UPN

Median Age: 25.6

Program: Grown Ups

Network: UPN

Median Age: 27.1

Program: Roswell

Network: WB

Median Age: 27.2

Program: Family Guy

Network: Fox

Median Age: 27.4

Program: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Network: WB

Median Age: 27.7

Program: Futurama

Network: Fox

Median Age: 27.9

Program: Malcolm & Eddie

Network: UPN

Median Age: 28.0

Program: Shasta McNasty

Network: UPN

Median Age: 28.4

Program: The Simpsons

Network: Fox

Median Age: 28.4

Program: Angel

Network: WB

Median Age: 28.6

Program: Felicity

Network: WB

Median Age: 28.8

Program: Get Real

Network: Fox

Median Age: 28.9

Program: Jack & Jill

Network: WB

Median Age: 29.1

Program: Beverly Hills 90210

Network: Fox

Median Age: 29.2

Program: The Jamie Foxx Show

Network: WB

Median Age: 29.6

Program: Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Network: ABC

Median Age: 30.1

Program: Party of Five

Network: Fox

Median Age: 30.1

Program: Odd Man Out

Network: ABC

Median Age: 30.1

Program: Charmed

Network: WB

Median Age: 30.2

Program: Dilbert

Network: UPN

Median Age: 30.4

Program: Time of Your Life

Network: Fox

Median Age: 30.5

Program: That '70s Show

Network: Fox

Median Age: 30.5

Program: For Your Love

Network: WB

Median Age: 30.6

Program: Action

Network: Fox

Median Age: 31.4

Program: The Steve Harvey Show

Network: WB

Median Age: 31.5

Program: King of the Hill

Network: Fox

Median Age: 31.5

Program: Boy Meets World

Network: ABC

Median Age: 31.9

Program: Wonderful World of Disney

Network: ABC

Median Age: 32.8

Program: Ally

Network: Fox

Median Age: 33.5

Program: Redhanded

Network: UPN

Median Age: 33.6

Program: 7th Heaven

Network: WB

Median Age: 33.6

Program: 7th Heaven: Beginnings

Network: WB

Median Age: 33.6

Program: The Hughleys

Network: ABC

Median Age: 34.3

Program: X-Files

Network: Fox

Median Age: 34.5

Program: Ally McBeal

Network: Fox

Median Age: 35.3

Program: Safe Harbor

Network: WB

Median Age: 35.4

Program: Whose Line Anyway? 8:30p.m.

Network: ABC

Median Age: 36.4

Program: Wasteland

Network: ABC

Median Age: 36.5

Program: Friends

Network: NBC

Median Age: 36.5

Program: Oh Grow Up

Network: ABC

Median Age: 36.7

Program: Norm

Network: ABC

Median Age: 36.7

Program: Greed 1

Network: Fox

Median Age: 36.8

Program: Jesse

Network: NBC

Median Age: 36.9

Program: Wrlds Wldst Police Videos

Network: Fox

Median Age: 37.1

Program: Drew Carey Show

Network: ABC

Median Age: 37.1

Program: The Strip

Network: UPN

Median Age: 37.2

Program: Two Guys and a Girl

Network: ABC

Median Age: 37.6

Program: Harsh Realm

Network: Fox

Median Age: 37.7

Program: Will & Grace

Network: NBC

Median Age: 38.4

Program: World's Funniest!

Network: Fox

Median Age: 38.7

Program: Mike O'Malley Show

Network: NBC

Median Age: 38.9

Program: Whose Line Is It Anyway? 8p.m.

Network: ABC

Median Age: 39.0

Program: Veronica's Closet

Network: NBC

Median Age: 39.0

Program: Freaks & Geeks

Network: NBC

Median Age: 39.1

Program: Star Trek: Voyager

Network: UPN

Median Age: 39.9

Program: Stark Raving Mad

Network: NBC

Median Age: 40.1

Program: Just Shoot Me

Network: NBC

Median Age: 40.5

Program: Dharma & Greg

Network: ABC

Median Age: 40.5

Program: it's like, you know

Network: ABC

Median Age: 40.5

Program: Sports Night

Network: ABC

Median Age: 41.1

Program: Greed 2

Network: Fox

Median Age: 41.1

Program: Once and Again

Network: ABC

Median Age: 41.2

Program: Suddenly Susan

Network: NBC

Median Age: 41.2

Program: E.R.

Network: NBC

Median Age: 41.3

Program: Cops 2

Network: Fox

Median Age: 41.4

Program: Frasier

Network: NBC

Median Age: 41.4

Program: Blockbuster Cinema

Network: UPN

Median Age: 41.5

Program: Cops

Network: Fox

Median Age: 41.7

Program: 3rd Rock From the Sun

Network: NBC

Median Age: 41.9

Program: Spin City

Network: ABC

Median Age: 42.4

Program: Ryan Caulfield: Year One

Network: Fox

Median Age: 42.5

Program: Cold Feet

Network: NBC

Median Age: 42.6

Program: 7 Days

Network: UPN

Median Age: 42.7

Program: America's Most Wanted

Network: Fox

Median Age: 42.8

Program: ABC Saturday Night Movie

Network: ABC

Median Age: 43.0

Program: NBC Sunday Night Movie

Network: NBC

Median Age: 43.1

Program: Snoops

Network: ABC

Median Age: 43.6

Program: NFL Monday Night Football

Network: ABC

Median Age: 43.7

Program: Pretender

Network: NBC

Median Age: 44.4

Program: 20/20 (Wed.)

Network: ABC

Median Age: 44.8

Program: Profiler

Network: NBC

Median Age: 44.8

Program: The Practice

Network: ABC

Median Age: 45.3

Program: Third Watch

Network: NBC

Median Age: 46.7

Program: Dateline NBC (Tue.)

Network: NBC

Median Age: 46.8

Program: 20/20 Downtown

Network: ABC

Median Age: 47.3

Program: Law and Order

Network: NBC

Median Age: 47.7

Program: Dateline NBC (Mon.)

Network: NBC

Median Age: 48.0

Program: 20/20 (Fri.)

Network: ABC

Median Age: 48.6

Program: King of Queens

Network: CBS

Median Age: 48.7

Program: Law and Order: SVU

Network: NBC

Median Age: 48.9

Program: Nash Bridges

Network: CBS

Median Age: 48.9

Program: Everybody Loves Raymond

Network: CBS

Median Age: 49.0

Program: Ladies Man

Network: CBS

Median Age: 49.1

Program: Law and Order (Fri.)

Network: NBC

Median Age: 49.4

Program: Now and Again

Network: CBS

Median Age: 49.5

Program: The West Wing

Network: NBC

Median Age: 50.4

Program: Walker, Texas Ranger

Network: CBS

Median Age: 51.1

Program: Becker

Network: CBS

Median Age: 51.1

Program: 20/20 (Mon.)

Network: ABC

Median Age: 51.2

Program: Early Edition

Network: CBS

Median Age: 51.2

Program: Family Law

Network: CBS

Median Age: 51.4

Program: Martial Law

Network: CBS

Median Age: 51.4

Program: Dateline (Wed.)

Network: NBC

Median Age: 51.4

Program: Providence

Network: NBC

Median Age: 51.5

Program: CBS Wednesday Movie

Network: CBS

Median Age: 51.5

Program: Work With Me

Network: CBS

Median Age: 51.9

Program: Dateline (Sun.-7p.m.)

Network: NBC

Median Age: 52.1

Program: Judging Amy

Network: CBS

Median Age: 53.3

Program: 48 Hours

Network: CBS

Median Age: 53.4

Program: Dateline (Fri.)

Network: NBC

Median Age: 53.4

Program: CBS Sunday Movie

Network: CBS

Median Age: 53.7

Program: Touched by an Angel

Network: CBS

Median Age: 53.7

Program: Chicago Hope

Network: CBS

Median Age: 53.8

Program: JAG

Network: CBS

Median Age: 54.1

Program: Candid Camera

Network: CBS

Median Age: 54.5

Program: Love & Money

Network: CBS

Median Age: 54.7

Program: Cosby

Network: CBS

Median Age: 55.2

Program: Kids Say the Darndest Things

Network: CBS

Median Age: 56.0

Program: 60 Minutes II

Network: CBS

Median Age: 56.2

Program: 60 Minutes

Network: CBS

Median Age: 56.6

Program: Diagnosis Murder

Network: CBS

Median Age: 57.2

Median age of viewers for each network:

ABC: 41.5

CBS: 53.1

Fox: 33.7

NBC: 45.0

UPN: 31.8

WB: 28.7

SOURCE: Nielsen Media Research

CAPTION: CBS's "Diagnosis Murder," starring Dick Van Dyke, left, has the oldest audience on prime-time broadcast TV, while WB's "Popular," with Leslie Bibb, standing, and Carly Pope, has the youngest.