I have been married for nine months to a wonderful man whom I love and respect. We did not sleep together before marriage, so I had no way of knowing about his problem. I am embarrassed as I write this, but I cannot possibly discuss it with anyone I know. The problem is that my husband is 29 years old and wets the bed at least twice a month. "Jim" doesn't seem to think there is anything abnormal about this. I am furious that he cannot control himself, and am ready to move into the spare bedroom.
If you have any explanation for this regression to childhood, or some helpful advice, I would certainly appreciate it.
Dampened Spirits in Baltimore
The advice is for Jim. He should see a urologist to make sure there is no organic problem that is causing the bed-wetting. If it turns out to be a behavioral problem, Jim should consider looking into the bedsheet alarm that has been successfully used to help children get over bed-wetting. Meanwhile, I recommend separate beds until the problem is solved.
I am in a baffling friendship with a woman I met 20 years ago at a hospital, where we were roommates. We agreed at the time to keep in touch, since we had so much in common, and lived only 20 minutes apart. Over the years, this woman has sent me many fancy cards and expensive gifts through the mail, and I have reciprocated each and every time.
The problem is, she never wants to meet with me for dinner, lunch or a movie, or have any type of get-together. She tells me about her outings with other friends, but refuses to give me a reason for not wanting to meet with me. When I become frustrated and try to break off the friendship, she apologizes, and says she wants me to remain her friend, but yet she still refuses to get together as friends usually do. As I said, Ann, this has been going on for 20 years.
We live only a few miles apart, and I am deeply hurt that she does not want to see me. Any answers? I feel rejected.
D.S., Sterling Heights, Mich.
I have two possible theories, and you can take your pick. Either this woman has agoraphobia and is afraid to leave her house, or she has gained a lot of weight or aged a great deal these past 20 years, and would prefer that you think of her the way she looked when you first met. In any case, please don't press her for a meeting. Be content with things as they are.
Will you kindly address my pet peeve? It's the way some people finish your sentences. When I start to say something and the person to whom I'm speaking finishes my sentence, it makes me feel like I don't need to be there since he or she already knows everything I have to say. Isn't this rude? I believe that person is really saying, "I know all that. You can't tell me anything." I'd appreciate your opinion.
M.R., Modesto, Calif.
"Sentence-finishers" are rude, but deeper than that, they are "know-it-alls" and don't want to be in the position of being told anything.
If knowledge is power, the person with the most information is the more powerful. The sentence-finisher wants that spot. I say, interrupt the sentence-finisher, and stop him or her cold with, "Please don't interrupt me. It's rude," and keep on talking.
Gem of the Day (Credit M.L.F. in Toledo, Ohio): Why is it that people who cough incessantly never seem to go to a doctor? They go to concerts, banquets and church, and invariably like to sit next to me.
To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.2000, Creators Syndicate Inc.