Carolyn:

I have been trying to get pregnant since I got married, with no good news. I am in full medical mode now, with numerous doctor visits, tests, reading, vitamins, etc. Bad news continues to pile on top of itself regarding my medical condition. My husband keeps saying it's psychosomatic, and chides me for getting depressed. I feel like I am justified in getting a little down over having so many obstacles in between me and pregnancy, and I get mad at him for not giving me more emotional support. I have honest-to-God physical conditions (three separate diagnosed problems) that get me down -- it's not in my head. Getting mad at my hubby doesn't exactly help our quest for kids.

-- Infertility, USA

I'm not going to ask you whether you're sure this is the guy you want by your side as you raise kids, but I'm going to wonder.

That said, it is possible the rawness of your feelings on this subject has you interpreting "Relax, it'll be okay" as "If you relax it'll be okay." It's a minor distinction with major emotional impact, and miscommunication is more rule than exception in a charged situation like this.

You're due for a we-need-to-talk, for which you wait till you're both calm and then ask how he really feels about the whole quest to conceive.

Psychosomatic, however, is a word that doesn't leave any room for interpretation, and if he has used it on you specifically, you're really due for a we-need-to-talk.

"It's all in your head" is not only wrong but also extremely condescending, not to mention about 12 kinds of insensitive.

Anger is a justifiable response to being told you're the problem when you aren't, especially when that problem has become an artery of anguish in your life. True, anger doesn't forward the kid cause at all, and in fact will set it back. But that's exactly why you need to air it: Until you pull it out by its roots, it'll stay with you, baby or not.

Carolyn:

My close friend is living with a new boyfriend. Since newest BF (a nice enough guy) moved in, I hardly ever see my friend anymore. I have repeatedly invited both over to my house for parties, dinner, etc. They usually come late, stay for about 15-20 minutes and then leave. One time they did this for a five-person dinner party. Since then, I've stopped inviting these guys (both guys) over.

Should I just give up? My friend has invited me over once or twice, but only when BF is out of town.

-- Virginia

Unless your friend has cut all of his old ties wholesale, newest BF might just dislike you.

Which would be good news, in a way. For one thing, it's normal.

Anybody worth knowing is going to be heartily disliked by somebody; having the mate of a close friend (or relative) dislike you is so normal it's a cliche.

If you suspect it's just you, and not the sign of a larger ill, let it go. And try inviting your friend to things he can easily come to alone.

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