The following are excerpts from winter 2001 live online discussions on


Is the maid of honor expected to pay for the bride's wedding? Bridezilla has made it very clear to me that everyone else in the wedding party is paying for the pieces (photographer, deejay, flowers, etc). She is left paying nothing for a wedding 10 times as fancy as my own and demanding things I did without, since I couldn't afford them. I am in grad school and can't afford this right now, am already footing the bill for the gown, etc., and bridal shower. But she is starting to get nasty about it. Everyone else in the wedding party is related to the bride and groom.

Am I a bitch because I don't think I should pay, or what? How do I get myself out of this?

-- Maid of Horror

Thanks, the bridal horror bar hadn't been raised for a while. Wow.

Explain pie-sweetly that you were under the impression that the maid of honor supports a bride emotionally, not financially, and if you were mistaken you'll gladly withdraw from her narcissistic freak parade.

Dear Carolyn:

At a recent physical I mentioned I had a problem with anxiety and almost immediately the doctor asked if I wanted medication for it. Do you think she should have pressed counseling, or should I just be glad she didn't play it off as being in my head?

-- Newly Medicated

I think anyone who doesn't assert himself is going to get inadequate care, regardless of how good the doctor is. If the doc says it's in your head, ask for another opinion. If the doc says meds, ask about counseling. If the doc says counseling, ask about meds. Ask to see a specialist. Ask ask ask. And if you feel rushed or intimidated by your doctor, get another doctor. Never ever take the "I'm lucky for what I got" approach. That's bull.

You sound like you want to talk to someone, so by all means look up a therapist. You don't have to commit if you don't feel you're getting anything out of it.

Hi, Carolyn!

I have a question regarding the hands-off policy between friends. The old college group recently got together for a ski trip. While there, I met friend of a friend's boyfriend (Bob). We hit it off rather well. Turns out he was at a New Year's party with some other friends and has apparently "hooked up" (which I think means they kissed at midnight and maybe a couple more times later) with one of my other friends (Mary).

Mary and I aren't as close as we used to be, and it's pretty apparent that Bob is interested in me. They haven't gone out on a date since New Year's and the next time they saw each other was at the ski trip. I'm a bit lost on what to do here. Thoughts?

-- Somewhere in the Poconos

Well, I'm totally lost. If Mary and Bob aren't currently together, then have at him.

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