I am a 32-year-old gay man who lives with my partner in a large condominium complex. Another gay man, "Nigel," lives down the hall. We do not socialize. Nigel is in his late forties, and I have a strong aversion to him because he informs anyone who'll listen about his sexual escapades.
I recently ran into Nigel in the elevator, and he started boasting about a fling he's having with a 16-year-old boy who lives two floors below. As we stepped into the lobby, Nigel waved to the boy's mother, then laughingly told me under his breath that she regards him as just "a neighbor friend who kindly drives her son to school."
Abby, please urge your readers to get to know who their children are spending time with. They should make it a point to meet all their children's friends in person, and never permit their kids to go out with "friends" they haven't met.
Is there anything I can do about Nigel and that boy? Should I call the authorities? I feel this monster is taking advantage of a minor and should be stopped.
No Name, City Or State
What Nigel is doing is child abuse. Tell the boy's mother what Nigel told you. She needs to know what's going on. It's up to her to report it to the police.
Recently, while "under the influence" at a party, "Ray," a friend of my boyfriend, "Pete," tried to kiss me. I avoided Ray for the rest of the evening and have not told anyone about the incident. The trouble is, my boyfriend has told me more than once that if he ever found out any of his friends had made a move on me, he'd hurt him badly.
I don't know if I should tell Pete what happened and try to explain that Ray was drunk and didn't know what he was doing. I don't think Ray would ever try anything like that while sober, so I'm tempted to keep quiet -- so no one gets hurt. However, I have never kept a secret from my boyfriend before, and I'm worried that if he finds out, he might think I kissed Ray back. What do you think I should do, Abby?
Not a Party Girl in Ontario, Canada
Don't tell him. I am concerned because it appears that your boyfriend has a violent and/or intimidating streak. You should be able to confide in him without feeling threatened.
I urge you to rethink your relationship with both of these young men, and the kind of parties you are attending.
I am a 21-year-old member of the Air Force stationed in South Korea. I would have been married last month to "Barbara," whom I met back home three years ago. However, Barbara broke up with me because she thought our engagement was too long, and she was tired of waiting.
After Barb broke our engagement, she started hanging out with a rough crowd-drinking, smoking dope, etc. The last time I was home on furlough, she confessed that two weeks after our engagement was called off, she had sex with a guy she didn't even know. Barb knows she made a terrible mistake.
After much soul-searching I forgave her-and we are once again talking marriage. My problem is, I feel a strong urge to cheat on her before we tie the knot. I was up-front with Barb about my feelings. I argued that it took 11 months before she'd sleep with me, and it took her only two weeks to find a total stranger to have sex with. Every time I think about the fact that Barbara had sex with someone else, it makes me want to retaliate.
Should I act on it, Abby?
Soul-Searching in Seoul
Please RE-consider everything you are considering. Having sex with someone in order to punish a third party is a poor reason to have sex. I urge you to resist the impulse. Frankly, I think neither of you is ready to marry anyone at this time.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
(c)2003, Universal Press Syndicate