Original "Tell Me About It" columns will appear in Sunday Source while Carolyn is on maternity leave. The following are excerpts from spring 2003 live discussions on washingtonpost.com.


So I found out that a guy is interested in me and I called him. I have a boyfriend, whom I've lived with for three years. The guy who is interested and I are meeting for lunch. He knows I have a boyfriend, he knows that I know he is interested in me in more than a friendly way, and he knows I am just interested in being friends. Am I opening a can of worms by having lunch with him?

Aberdeen, Md.

Gee, do you think?

Figure out what you want, then have the guts to go get it openly and honestly. Anything short of that is inexcusable.


How do you know when you are doing too much for a guy? How do you know when to stop baking cookies, doing the laundry, fixing his favorite foods, etc.? I'm a big-time giver (not so much on the money, but the doing) and I hear from everyone that I do too much.


You stop baking/doing/fixing if you stop wanting to bake/do/fix, or if you feel like you're being taken for granted, or if you believe the guy won't love you if you stop baking/doing/fixing. Read the last part as many times as it takes for it to stick.


Do you think it is fair for a couple to split living expenses 50-50, or on a percentage based on how their incomes compare? For instance, I think my boyfriend and I should each put, say, 30 percent of our income into a joint account, and then pay bills from there. But he thinks we should split all bills 50-50. Since I am just graduating from college and he makes more money than I do, that means I'll be broke for years until I advance up the career ladder, while he'll have lots of money left over. Any help?


Yes. Don't live with him.


My boyfriend recently told me he needs time to think about our relationship. He's going through a lot right now, job change, parental issues, moving, etc. Question is, how long do I give him? We agreed on a date to talk again (we aren't in contact right now) but what do I do in the meantime, and what if he still needs more time to sort things out?

Somewhere, USA

You live your life and you accept that you can't make him come back. I'm sorry.


In absolutely fantastic relationship but would be much happier if I lived in another city. Partner doesn't know I gave up moving to stay for him, he wouldn't be able to move away for another year or two anyway and really likes it here. At what point do I need to make a decision between being happy with a man or being happy with my career? And what's the best way to make that decision?

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

With him. No fair assuming you know what he wants, even if you do it with his interests at heart. Having a partner means you decide as a team.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@washpost.com.