I have been going out with my boyfriend, "Donny," for some time. We love each other and would do anything for each other. I am 17 and a senior in high school. Donny is turning 19 and is a college freshman back East.
Donny's father is encouraging him to see other girls while he's in college. I am jealous and scared that Donny might cheat on me, because most of the relationships around me have failed because the man cheated on the woman. I am worried that this will happen to me -- especially because during Donny's phone call last night, he mentioned that a girl had flirted with him yesterday.
Deep down, I feel it would be easier to split up for the time being. I am torn, because I love Donny and can't stand being without him, but I also don't want to end up getting hurt. What should I do? Should I trust Donny or split up with him?
Torn in California
I have a better idea. The next time you and Donny talk, tell him what you have told me. Then offer him the option of both of you dating others and hear what he has to say. Long-distance romances can be difficult, but my mail tells me that some of them work out. So hold a good thought, let Donny be part of the decision-making, and don't let the green-eyed monster wreck your relationship.
I am 17 and have been going out with my boyfriend, "Johnny," for about a year. A few months ago, we started having sex, and since then, we've been having sex every day, sometimes up to four times a day. Abby, I don't want to be doing this so regularly, but Johnny seems to want it ALL the time. I like making love with him, but not all the time. He says it's special and meaningful, but it's starting to seem like he's using me.
The other day, I told Johnny I didn't want to do it, but it happened anyway. I didn't resist, so it wasn't like he raped me or anything, but it wasn't right. What should I do?
Too Much Sex in Victorville
Wake up, honey. You ARE being used. You are being treated like a convenience, not a person, and this isn't love. And I have more bad news -- when a person says "no" to sex and it "happens anyway," that is the definition of rape.
I urge you to pick up the phone and call R.A.I.N.N. (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network). The toll-free number is 800-656-4673. They can help you to clearly understand what happened and find counseling.
I was in a relationship for nine months. It didn't work out.
Now it seems like every guy I'm attracted to turns out to be a real jerk. After they kiss me, I fall for them, but they don't fall back.
There is this guy I have liked for several years. He has already made it clear that he wants to kiss me. I'm afraid that if he does, I'll fall for him, but he won't fall for me.
What should I do?
Dumped in Pittsburg, Kan.
Your problem is that you become attached before you know who those boys are. Slow down. Tell this young man that you'd prefer he get to know you before the kissing starts. Until then, make sure that when you see him, there are other people around -- so it's not so easy to become amorous. If he continues to show an interest, chances are you won't lose him if you kiss him.Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
(c)2004, Universal Press Syndicate