My parents watched two of my younger children last week while my husband and I took our older children on vacation. Today, while helping my 5-year-old daughter visit a Barbie Web site, I discovered someone had used my computer to extensively visit a pornographic Web site.
We have three computers, and my father had access only to this one. Our other computers were unaffected. I know these Web sites were not on my computer when we left. Our family has always joked with my dad about the amount of time he spends on computers, but we assumed it was for work.
Should I tell my parents what I found? I'm disgusted that Dad would use my computer this way and that my children were exposed to pictures of naked women. The bottom line is I do not want this material in my house, nor do I want someone around my kids who engages in this behavior. Please advise.
Not in My House
Tell your parents what you found and let your father know that you feel he betrayed your trust. To ensure that it doesn't happen again, either install parental control software on your computers or discuss it with your Internet service provider so access to these sites can be blocked. Once that's done, I see no reason to keep your children from a loving grandfather as long as he views his adult material in his own home, in private.
I'm 31, divorced and female. My marriage ended four years ago. I haven't dated much since.
When I least expected it, a wonderful man I'll call Tony walked into my life. He was everything I wanted and more. He treated me the way I deserved to be treated and seemed to like me a lot. I fell for him hard.
A short time later, he told me he didn't want a serious relationship. I was crushed but continued to see him. We dated for about two years and there were still no serious feelings on his part. Then, all of a sudden, he hit me with the news that he had fallen in love with someone else. I was floored! He had said he didn't want a serious relationship.
I can't seem to get over him. Every time I try, Tony calls me and wants to hook up. His new girlfriend will be moving here soon from another state, yet he still calls and wants to hook up with me. How can I let go and move on? I still love him.
Can't Let Go
Let me explain something. When Tony said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant with YOU. Wake up and smell the coffee. You are being used. The sooner you can recognize that fact, the sooner you'll be able to let go and say no.
I am 24. My fiance is 28. We have been together for five years and are engaged to be married in August. I love him, but I wonder if I love him enough to marry him. The closer we get to our wedding, the more I want to be free.
I want to go out, have fun and not feel so serious about everything. He makes things so much more complicated than they have to be. I can't even suggest a place to go for dinner without him having to think it over.
I feel guilty because I feel less attracted to him all the time. Should I marry him?
Claustrophobic in San Francisco
You may be experiencing pre- wedding jitters, but one thing is certain: You shouldn't say "I do" unless you mean it with all your heart. You and your fiance could benefit from premarital counseling. It is something that many churches offer and can be valuable for any couple considering a lifetime commitment. Only if you can accept your fiance the way he is should you go through with the marriage.
(c)2004, Universal Press Syndicate