I have been seeing a psychologist for three years about anxiety and the trauma of my parents' divorce. Every session has been about how school is and whatnot. About a year ago, I had my first real relationship. We are still involved.
In a recent session, my psychologist asked me how my sex life is. Mind you, I'm only 18. I felt very embarrassed and told him it was none of his business.
Was this appropriate, or do you think he was coming on to me? I look back and realize the position I was in if he was making advances. There is no receptionist in the office -- only he and I in the whole place. I'm concerned about going back. Can you give me some
Concerned in Massachusetts
Considering the fact that you have been in an exclusive relationship for about a year, I'd say the question was legitimate. After three years of therapy, I would assume that by now you had established enough trust to confide just about anything.
Your therapist needs to know that you felt his question was out of line and made you uncomfortable. So, consider telling him that you might feel more at ease if he referred you to a female therapist. Also, your sessions should have gone far beyond making small talk about "school and whatnot."
My boyfriend, "Dick," moved in with me, into a home I have owned for 13 years. A year later, he accepted a job in a city two hours away. (There were no jobs in this area.) Dick lives in an apartment there during the week. We were later married.
The other day we went shopping, and I bought a decorator accessory for the house. Dick didn't like the color and became very angry at me.
The house is in my name only. Dick does not contribute to the house or its upkeep. He uses all the supplies in the house and never offers to pay for expenses. He gives me a check every month for less than half the utilities. Meanwhile, he earns a good salary and contributes to a 401(k).
Abby, Dick doesn't live here most of the week, despite my urging him to find a job that's closer. I am paying for most of the expenses for the house even though I'm battling cancer. I feel he has no right to complain. Which one of us is right?
Your marital problems go far beyond a disagreement about a decorator item. It appears your husband is not fully committed to the marriage, as demonstrated by his failure to support you financially or emotionally during your illness. It's time to reach a meeting of the minds and hearts about his job, your finances and your future together. A giant step in the right direction would be to consult a marriage counselor. Your physician can refer you to one. If your husband refuses to go, go without him.
Our son and his wife keep a cold beer in the refrigerator for their 8-month-old baby. They routinely give him "sips." To me, this is abuse and a danger to our grandson. To add to my dismay, there is alcoholism on both sides of the family.
They are determined not to listen to me. Also, they are both heavy drinkers, so there could be some denial here. What more can be done? Any suggestions?
Since you have spoken to your son and daughter-in-law and they have chosen to ignore your legitimate concerns, report them to child protective services. Feeding alcohol to small children can create dependency and result in lifelong problems.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
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