My husband, "Don," took a construction job with some friends he's worked with before. Almost every night after work, they sit at the site and drink beer.
The commute from our house is about 12 miles, and I have pointed out to Don that his drinking and driving is unwise. He agreed. One beer here and there doesn't bother me, but Don has been coming home pretty drunk every other night. I'm really concerned.
Last night, Don promised to come home right after work this evening and spend some time with me. He pulled in about 8:00 with a buddy from work. Both of them were drunk.
Don claimed he didn't remember the promise, and he and his buddy proceeded to eat the special supper I had prepared for US. I am hurt, angry and probably stupid, because I let Don leave so he could drive his friend home.
When he returned 15 minutes later, he came in and went straight to bed. No "goodnight," no "I love you."
I wouldn't be so upset if it had been any other night. But he had promised me tonight would be special because it's our anniversary.
Do you think I'm overreacting? I don't want a husband who's a drunk.
Hurt in Ohio
You may not want one, but you appear to have one. You would be doing all concerned a favor if you quietly let his boss know there's drinking going on after hours at the job site, because should an accident occur, the company may be liable.
If the anniversary incident isn't enough to embarrass your husband into getting help, the alternative is for you to look in your local phone book for Al-Anon or call their toll-free line at 888-425-2666 to find meetings near you and attend them. There you will learn how not to be an enabler, and that no one can "save" a drinker except the drinker. I wish you luck, dear lady, because you're about to get one heck of an education.
I am 18. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years. During that time we have lived together, and we know each other inside and out.
When I told my mother months ago that we were getting married, she dismissed it. She said she didn't have the money to help out with a wedding. When we told her we had decided to go to a justice of the peace, she said she'd be gone camping that day.
I'd really like for my mother to be there. My father died when I was 8, and she's the only parent I have. I love her dearly and can't figure out why she wouldn't want to be there, because I'm her only child. What's your take on this, Abby?
Hurt and Confused in Oregon
That's a question you should be asking your mother. She may have concerns because you are marrying so young. Or she may not approve of your boyfriend. But you will never know the answer unless you ask your mother how she feels about your plans. Please don't wait to do it.
What is the proper way to communicate to your work colleagues the reinstatement of your maiden name after a divorce?
Single Again in San Ramon, Calif.
Tell your co-workers about your name change and have new business cards printed. For those with whom you do business but do not see on a daily basis, a short note informing them of the name change would be suitable. If you are asked the reason for it, a two-word explanation, "I'm divorced," should suffice.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
(c)2004, Universal Press Syndicate