Hotties Off the Presses

We're happy to meet your political beach-reading needs with a preview of magazine exclusives out this week. First up, "A Beer With John Kerry," from the new GQ, in which the Democratic presidential nominee talks about the film actresses who float his boat:

"I think Charlize Theron is pretty extraordinary," he gushes. He's also fond of Catherine Zeta-Jones and Marilyn Monroe. Meanwhile, he says nice things about both George Bushes: "I like Junior, but I like the senior Bush enormously."

Reflecting on his years as a divorced senator, Kerry is somber. "Those were not good days," he says. "I think if you ask anyone, Bob Kerrey, or anyone who's been single on Capitol Hill, you'll find it's no fun. . . . That's not a good world, and everyone wants a piece of you, and all I can say is thank God I found Teresa."

His advice on what to seek in a woman? "Look for what gets your heart. Someone who excites you, turns you on. . . . It's a woman who loves being a woman. Who wears her womanhood. Who knows how to flirt and have fun. Smart. Confident. . . . And obviously sexy and saucy and challenging."

Someone just like Teresa Heinz Kerry, we think. And here's the saucy lady herself in the new Reader's Digest, talking about hubby's virtues while cautioning: "I think nobody is truly qualified to be President of the United States. I mean, are you qualified to run the world . . . not run it, but have that influence? No, nobody is."

Heinz Kerry on the media: "I'm sure there will be stories that I've given birth to children from Mars. . . . You know, there are a lot of bored people out there."

Indeed. Which brings us to the latest installment of Gavin Newsom-mania. Harper's Bazaar dubs the San Francisco mayor and his wife, television legal analyst Kimberly Guilfoyle Newsom, "The New Kennedys." They represent "one of the most glamorous political unions since Jack and Jackie," claims the fashion mag, "extravagantly blessed with brains, drive, charm, humor and dedication to public service." One photo evokes a Calvin Klein Obsession ad, showing the couple lolling on the carpet in a mansion owned by philanthropist Ann Getty. In the interview, Gavin is revealed to be his wife's biggest booster, and vice versa:

"Do I think he could be president of the United States? Absolutely," says the missus. "I'd gladly vote for him." Stop the presses!

The Usual Suspects

An occasional feature revealing the secret lives of oft-quoted experts.

ERIC DEZENHALL

Occupation: Crisis management expert and author of four books, including a new political thriller, "Shakedown Beach," featuring a New Jersey governor who has an affair.

Born: Sept. 9, 1962, in Camden, N.J. Grew up on Saratoga Drive.

Marital status: Married for 17 years; two children.

Childhood pet: Tiger -- part bloodhound, part beagle. "He was never fully trained to go outside. If he went on the carpet, we just ranted at him: 'What are you, stupid?' "

If I were a closeted gay politician in New Jersey, I'd sleep with: "The only way to go would be Bruce Springsteen. That would be the only politically shrewd move. Springsteen is a God there. I am a Republican and Springsteen and I agree on few issues, but as far as I'm concerned the guy can do no wrong."

Typical quote: "Damage control is all about selecting the best of only bad options."

Most notable characteristic: "Pathological impatience in a lot of interpersonal settings. I relate to Ben Stiller's character, Mr. Furious, in 'Mystery Men' -- the idea of extreme frustration as a super-talent."

Celebrity I most resemble: "I've been told Bruce Willis. It's either my outrageous action-hero persona or my hairline."

First celebrity crush: "Bambi. Was that wrong? I should note that my wife has that fawnish-looking appearance."

Nobody knows I: "Founded a comedy nightclub called Eleazar's Dungeon, named after the founder of Dartmouth College, and did stand-up while in school. Other acts included unknowns Jerry Seinfeld and Jim Carrey. But where are they now?"

Adult entertainment name (childhood pet plus street name): Tiger Saratoga.

Nominate a Usual Suspect by e-mailing ReliableSource@washpost.com.

SQUIBS

* After stops in Afghanistan, Azerbaijan and Ukraine, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld took a breather at the ballet Saturday night in St. Petersburg, Russia, with wife Joyce. From a royal box at the Mariinsky Theater, they caught a performance of "Spartacus," described in the English-language St. Petersburg Times as a "Soviet-era testosterone-laden classic." Rummy stayed through the entire three hours, we're told. There's just no respite for a warrior.

* Imprisoned rapper Jamal "Shyne" Barrow, whose latest disc, "Godfather Buried Alive," features verses he literally phoned in from behind bars, lost his phone privileges yesterday. Under New York state law, prisoners can't call cell phones, have calls transferred to another party, conduct business by phone or call reporters who are not on their designated media list. Shyne, who is serving time for assault and weapons possession, made about 100 phone calls to reporters and his record label, prison officials said.

With Anne Schroeder