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He shoots, he scores! In the journalistic competition to get the closest to the Bush twins -- easily considered the Ben Affleck of the GOP convention -- Matt Labash of the Weekly Standard scored a slam dunk. We hear that the smooth operator actually served Jenna a vodka tonic in the VIP room at New York's Roseland Ballroom earlier this week.

Meanwhile, ex-"Bachelor" Aaron Buerge (he was the blond guy after Alex Michel and before Andrew Firestone) tells U.S. News & World Report's Paul Bedard that if he had to choose between Jenna and Barbara, he's taking Barbara every step of the way. "She's very warm, very friendly," he says -- no doubt a conclusion he came to after Barbs actually took the time to talk to him, unlike her sis. And, he says, he likes the brunette's "wild hair." Interesting. We didn't realize Barbara had "wild hair." Maybe that's just us, though.

Crooning Joe Piscopo

"Saturday Night Live" alum Joe Piscopo took some time from contemplating whether he's going to run for New Jersey governor and proved he's still a jokester when he serenaded Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) this week in New York.

At the Ciprani 42nd Street party on Wednesday night -- which included guests Cindy McCain, Rudy and Judi Giuliani and Henry Kissinger -- Piscopo redubbed the Sinatra fav, "My Way," into "The McCain Way." Here's a snippet, thanks to the New York Daily News: "He has regrets / Too few to mention / But he did / Get Michael Moore / Kicked out of the convention."

Next up: John Kerry serenades Sen. Zell Miller (D-Ga.) with an updated version of "Your Cheatin' Heart."

Wads of Wealth

That pop tart Britney Spears loves to pop in chewing gum. She also loves to spit it out. Want evidence? It seems that eBay now has more than two dozen pieces of used Britney gum up for bid -- apparently owning the future Mrs. Kevin Federline's leftovers is a new trend. And these things go for hundreds, sometimes thousands of dollars. One has a $14,000 bid. But do not be alarmed: That one is from one person who keeps bidding against himself. (Yeah, we're confused, too.)

If you don't appreciate gum, you're in luck. Some cigarette butts, a tissue and an allegedly Brit-used "priceless" bath towel and soap are also up for grabs. And here we thought buying an Alan Keyes's sweat-drenched bar napkin was bad!

Noted . . .

Scarlett Johansson says sorry to her leading gents -- you ain't young anymore! The 19-year-old starlet proclaims: "I've been fortunate enough to work with some amazing and legendary actors, like John [Travolta], and Bill [Murray], Colin [Firth] and Dennis Quaid recently. They're brilliant. I don't know if that has to do with their age or just playing well," she said during a news conference at the Venice Film Festival. "So hopefully I'll be able to carry a film with some hot young stud some day." Ouch! That takes some nerve considering Travolta was sitting beside her at the time. "I'm right here," he quipped . . . We're sure Bill Clinton is going to be inundated with flowers, well-wishes, cards and the like as he recovers next week from his bypass-op. But his old chum Bob Dole offers something far more dear. In a short note sent yesterday to prez No. 42, Dole writes: "Let me know if you need any Republican blood. I don't have much left, but may be able to spare a pint or two."

. . . and Quoted

"That's right, I deal with the scum of the earth." -- Bush campaign spokesman Terry Holt, showing his disdain for -- gasp -- journalists, at a closed-to-the press event for young GOP-ers in New York, as reported by Roll Call.

Compiled by Anne Schroeder

from staff and wire reports

Twins Jenna, left, and Barbara Bush at a GOP post-convention party Thursday.