I recently learned that my twin sister, "Leslie," is pregnant. When I heard the news, I told her I wanted to throw her a baby shower. I have two little ones of my own, and my twin hosted my baby shower when I was pregnant with my first. Leslie was excited and gave me a thumbs up.
Today I was told that an aunt on her husband's side wants to give her a shower, and it sounds as if that's the way it's going to be. This aunt has always been bossy and pushy, and Leslie and her husband are afraid to refuse. I don't expect my twin to offend the other side of the family, but what about me? Am I being petty? My feelings are hurt.
Please stop feeling hurt. Rather than being bossy or pushy, the aunt may instead be a stickler for proper etiquette.
According to "Emily Post's Etiquette" (16th Edition): "Mothers and sisters of the mother-to-be should not give a shower, although sisters-in-law, close friends, aunts or cousins may. Naturally, mothers and sisters should be invited, but, as with any other gift-giving event, they should not initiate an invitation that bears an obligation on the part of the recipient to provide a present to a direct relative." Dear Abby:
I'm embarrassed to admit this, but after two years of marriage, I still have not sent out thank-you notes to everyone who attended my wedding and gave us gifts.
Our wedding was during finals week of college, and immediately after that, we left for our honeymoon. One week after our return, we moved across the state and had to set up a home and find employment.
I cringe when I think about how many people have asked my mother if we received their gift and "where are the thank-yous." Is there anything I can do to eliminate this guilt before I'm condemned to live with it forever?
Guilty in New York
Yes. Buy a nice box of stationery and a pen, and write gracious notes to everyone who gave you a wedding gift. Say, "I apologize for the long delay in writing to you, but I want you to know how much 'John' and I are enjoying the lovely ( ) you gave us for our wedding, and I want to thank you for your generosity in giving it to us." Believe me, it's better to receive a tardy thank you note than never to receive one at all.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
(c)2004, Universal Press Syndicate