President Bush was the Obvious Winner on Election Day with a majority of electoral votes and more popular votes than any presidential candidate in history. And Sen. John Kerry was the Obvious Loser, even though he also received more popular votes than any candidate in the past. But the election of 2004 was so rancorous and cantankerous, there were bound to be lots of other winners and losers. We sort through the provisional ballots to find the victorious and the vanquished.

WINNERS

Tom DeLay: By carving up Texas like a Benihana chef, the House majority leader redistricts four Dems into oblivion and creates new jobs -- for four fellow Republicans.

John O'Neill: One of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth becomes a best-selling author and symbol of aggrieved veterans.

Karl Rove: Boy Genius rounds up a real Republican majority. Get that man a MacArthur grant!

Michael Moore: The fat man from Flint turns nation on to documentaries and hauls in more than $200 million along the way.

Fox News: Republicans' preferred network is much-watched TV.

Bill Frist: Senate majority leader eschews -- and spits out -- Senate protocol to campaign in South Dakota for John Thune. Frist helps unseat his nemesis, Tom Daschle, and builds a bigger majority.

Jon Stewart: The coarse jester becomes a Daily habit and source of comic relief for blue Americans.

Hillary Clinton: If not the Next Big Thing, then maybe the Next Best Thing.

LOSERS

George Soros: The filthy-rich financier dumps umpteen millions on anti-Bush 527s. He might have had more luck with the Virginia Lottery.

Bob Shrum: Democratic strategist and concession-speech expert is 0 for 8.

P. Diddy: Where were all the young, energized, cell-phone-toting first-time voters? Still groggy from staying up late and watching "Vote or Die" ads on MTV?

Exit Polls: Wrong election, wrong place, wrong time.

Gay Wedding Industry: Eleven out of 11 states say nay to same-sex marriage.

-- Linton Weeks and Steve Reiss

Jon Stewart kept 'em laughing, but what happened to P. Diddy's cell-phone-toting voters?