I have a problem I can't discuss with my family. I am 45 years old, married for 12 years, and I am in love with my wife's daughter from her first marriage. "Danica" is 24 and married. I have had these feelings for her for quite some time. Danica is fun to be around and very pretty when she smiles. We have talked when she has been over to visit her mother, and she drives me crazy. My wife says I have a crush on her daughter. Thank God she doesn't know how much.
I asked Danica out to dinner one night, just the two of us. It was going well until I spilled my guts and told her how I felt about her. She was shocked. The only thing she said was I was married to her mother and she was married. I asked her if she had anything else to say, and she replied that she didn't know what to say. Needless to say, the rest of the night didn't go well. I took her to her car and told her the offer was always open.
Four days later, I sent her a dozen red roses with a card that said, "Let's be friends." I tried to call her, but she said she didn't feel comfortable talking to me. Now she treats me like I have the plague. What should I do? Just wait, and pray she'll talk to me?
Smitten in San Antonio
No. The first thing you should do is take a cold shower and wake up. You have slipped from fantasy into obsession, created a rift in the family and made a fool of yourself. Stop with the calls and roses. You and Danica will never be "friends" now that your inappropriate feelings are out in the open. If you can't let go of this, please talk to a mental health professional.
My sister, "June," came to live with my husband and me two years ago because living arrangements with her son didn't work out. Since then, my husband of 50 years has passed on. My house is too big for me to take care of because I have medical problems of my own.
June doesn't help with any of the household chores or bills. I have wanted to sell my house ever since my children moved out years ago, but my husband wanted to keep it in case any of them needed to come back.
Four of my children have invited me into their homes, but what should I do with June? I love my sister and don't want to throw her out into the street, but I want to move on. Please help me.
Torn Senior in New York
You were wonderful to have provided a refuge for your sister when she needed it. However, she's an able-bodied adult and should not be your responsibility. It's time for your sister to make other living arrangements. Talk to her and set a date for her to move. If she can't afford to live alone, she should find a roommate with whom to share expenses. You have done enough.
(c)2004, Universal Press Syndicate