I am a 20-year-old bisexual female. I am madly in love with my partner, "Darci." We have been together for 10 short, wonderful months, but I know without a doubt in my heart that she's "the one" for me. She feels the same.
All I have ever really wanted out of life is to become a mother. I feel that is the reason I was born female, and I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I died without giving birth. I also don't want to become a mother in any other way except the "old-fashioned way."
Darci knows how I feel about this and says it's okay with her -- she wouldn't care if I was with a man for that purpose only. But whenever we talk about it, I get the feeling that she's only agreeing because she thinks it will hurt me if she doesn't.
I don't want to take her word for it and have it eventually ruin our relationship because she really isn't okay with it. So my question is, should I go ahead and try to have a baby in the old-fashioned way, or just forget it and not fulfill my one and only true dream because I love her so much and don't want to lose her?
Torn in Oregon
This is a question you and your partner should discuss with an obstetrician/gynecologist. Surely you are aware that you can be impregnated by artificial insemination, using donor sperm or the sperm of a donor you and Darci know. In that way, you could fulfill your dream without having to worry about arousing any insecurities in your partner. In your case, the method might be an improvement on the "old-fashioned way."
I was divorced after only eight years of marriage. I raised my son, "Bart," alone. We have always had a close relationship, except for the normal ups and downs during his teen years.
Bart is now a successful adult in his late twenties, working professionally in a nearby suburb. He usually calls me once or twice a week and drops by for dinner a couple of times a month. I look forward to his visits and our heart-to-heart chats. We share a similar sense of humor and many interests, including gardening.
Bart has had several girlfriends in the past, but has been dating a lovely new woman for several months. She is a sweet, bright young lady with whom I get along very well.
In recent months, whenever Bart visits, his girlfriend always comes along. She rarely joins in the conversation and seems only to sit there waiting for us to "finish" so they can be on their way. Our talks have become brief and superficial -- far different from times past. I wish he would visit by himself sometimes. Am I wrong to want to see my son without her occasionally?
Maui Mama in Hawaii
No, and you should tell your son how you feel. It is nice that he has found a girl who is worthy of bringing home to Mama, but that doesn't mean she should come along on every visit.
My cousin came crying to me. She said her husband had been having an affair. She was devastated -- until I told her about an incident at my last job. My boss, "Lila," confided to me that her husband had had an affair. She said that after she caught him cheating with her sister, she took him back and told him, "Remember this: I've got an affair coming."
From then on, he was so busy making sure she didn't cheat on him that she never had to worry about him cheating on her.
Laughing in North Dakota
Your boss was a clever lady, but I hope she wasn't serious. One wrong is bad enough. Two wrongs not only don't make a right, but can also destroy a marriage.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069.
(c) 2004, Universal Press Syndicate