I am 26 years old, and my husband is 32.
For the past six months we have been having trouble. We used to play cards and watch movies. But now the only time we spend together is when I take him to work and then pick him up again.
We have problems in and out of the bedroom. I have to beg my husband to have sex with me, and then nothing happens. Sometimes I wonder if I should leave and what the point is of staying in the marriage.
Can you help us?
The point of staying in the marriage is the marriage itself. Let me explain. When you swear an oath to stay with someone, sometimes all that keeps you with that someone is the oath itself. In those moments when it's most challenging to honor and respect your husband, you need to honor and respect the marriage. You need to be brave enough to hear the truth and fight for your union, rather than cut and run.
Your husband's behavior could be a result of depression or because he is having an affair. I realize that it might seem easier to bag the whole thing than hear that your husband is seeing someone else or suffering from depression (and it could be neither of these things, either of these things, or both), but when you are brave enough to risk getting to the bottom of things, you have two things going for you -- the truth and your courage in learning the truth.
From your account of things, you are the bewildered and innocent party. None of this is fair to you. But your husband has lost his marriage mooring; you could be holding the rope.
You need to be strong and resolute for a while, at least until you understand what is going on.
This situation is an ideal one to explore in marriage counseling. A trusted and skilled counselor will help both of you say the things you need to say and train you to listen with respect.
I agree that breast-feeding is a simple fact of life, and I am not offended by it when it is done publicly.
Urination is also a fact of life. Any idea why I got arrested when I did it in public?
Actually, I think that public breast-feeding does offend you. Otherwise you wouldn't compare it to public urination.
If men could breast-feed their children it would not only be considered a completely acceptable and preferable way to provide nutrition for babies, but I'm sure it would probably be an Olympic sport by now. Public places would offer clean and comfortable places to feed your babies quietly, so you wouldn't have to nurse in a bathroom stall, and people wouldn't be too bothered if they occasionally caught a glimpse of you feeding your baby in public.
It's just a theory, mind you, but it's something to think about.
Write to Amy Dickinson at email@example.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
(c)2005 by the Chicago Tribune
Distributed by Tribune Media Services Inc.